Every single one of us as mothers has our own unique style. Perhaps it’s not something you every really thought about, and it shouldn’t be something you allow to define you, but Socrates was a smart man when he said, “Know thyself!” As smart, chic Urban Mommies, we should know ourselves better, and so treasure the beautiful parts of our styles—and work on the parts that aren’t so beautiful! Finding your mommy style is easy.

Dress isn’t Everything. One of the first ways mothers—and women in general—classify themselves is with their dress. If your preferences lean toward trainers and cute little Juicy jogging suits they call you a sporty mama; if you like flowing skirts and sandals and minimal makeup, you’re a granola mama. Not necessarily true. However, your personality is often expressed by your personal style. Those who are into couture and high tech tend to be more structured and “modern” parents, while those on the sportier and free-spirited ends of the fashion spectrum are frequently more “natural” parents, willing to let thing flow rather than structuring every aspect of their child’s lives. Each of these approaches has its own merits and disadvantages; the key is finding how to exploit the one and minimize the other.

Supermom is Dead. Yes, just like Superman in the comic books, Supermom is dead. Actually, she never existed. Yep, put her out of your mind and your expectations, and don’t make the pursuit of mommy perfection part of your mommy style. It is an unattainable goal, and it sets you up for failure and disappointment. A better goal: set goals and achieve them. That way you have a slew of mommy merit badges, and no need for a cape.

Stop Comparing. Sure, this is a hard one: everyone is always keeping up with the Joneses. But in this case, it is just very unhealthy to do. You can’t compare yourself to someone else, if for the biggest reason that you never know enough about them to compare fairly. Perhaps that mom seems to have it all together: perfect, shiny kids; perfect, shiny house, etc. But you have no idea if underneath she isn’t a closet amphetamine addict or obsessive-compulsive! Be fair to yourself. Your style is your own. Maybe your baseboards need a good cleaning, but what if you make the world’s best sponge cake or reindeer costumes for winter plays? Everyone has their own worth,

Count Your Blessings… and Curses. This is all about being honest. What areas of your mom life need lots of help in, and which ones are you A-OK in? Perhaps you need help in asserting yourself more, or following through, or organization, but you’re an ace at nurturing, keeping your house and kids looking great, and homework? Put them in the right columns. Work on your weaknesses and capitalize on your strengths. You will be surprised how effective of a mom you actually are.

Don’t Apologize. Just like you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, you also shouldn’t apologize for being you. So what if you don’t “fit in” with the soccer mom bunch? If you have a good relationship with your partner, your kids, and yourself, you are doing fine, and you don’t need the approval of anyone but them and you.

Ultimately, finding your individual mommy style is all about evaluating, renovating and embracing who you are. It’s about standing up for yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. Only a mommy who is happy with herself can be an effective and awesome one.