This week I went to a little park near our house with my daughter, we never go there because there is no swing for little ones, only a tire and the slide is big but she’s getting bigger and I thought, why not. There is a little grassy hill and Coco was running down and I was running after her, it was perfect blue sky, the sun was warm and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. She was laughing so hard as I ran behind her, she loves being chased, I caught her and threw her in the air, she was delighted, nothing beats kids laughter and squeals. I turned around while hugging her and looked up the little hill over her shoulder at the cherry blossoms trees and the park bench, I was suddenly overcome with so much joy and happiness my eyes welled up and I couldn’t control the tears. Last year at this time I was finally recovering from serious postpartum depression.
Okay so this week gets a 5 out 7. I began the week with a lot of determination and renewed intention, I was making the meals, doing the workouts – even some extra. But Friday night I fell apart, got lazy and ate a crappy dinner. Then Saturday I let myself snack on junk food and I had no energy to do anything. It amazes me how little it takes to send my energy plummeting, and yet when I was doing more the exercise and healthy food was giving me energy.
You know the one I’m talking about… the one that doesn’t allow you to buy new clothes when your child is asking for a bike? The one that makes you cancel the babysitter because the baby is teething?
Or how about the one that makes you sleep on the couch when the kids have had a bad dream and there’s no room left in your bed?
Yep, that’s the one. GUILT.
I have been talking about the mountain I am climbing and I think this week I have reached a plateau on that mountain. I have worked out hard with only one day rest, counted every calorie and my measurements and weight haven’t changed very much. I must admit it is a little disappointing and really deep down inside me, I would rather be on a mountain in the Alps skiing hard every single day, eating cheese fondue and drinking French wine. But my always wonderful and supportive husband reminded me that every week is different, that I shouldn’t be disappointed, that I should be proud of myself for working so hard and that my mood, my attitude, my life has changed for the better.
Spent much of this week trying to get back on track. Didn’t help that towards the tiger cub and I caught a bit of a bug. Tough part of being a nursing mama and getting sick, is instead of getting the much needed break, you get less sleep and more stress. Everyday I told myself in the morning that I would start fresh today, and every night by dinner I told myself I’d do better tomorrow. Tonight I wanted to give up, until I thought about what that means, and who I’m giving up on. So I renew my commitment to myself and this program, even after the contest is done I still have work to do, I refuse to give up.
So this week a friend came to stay and I all but abandoned the revolution. Not sure if it was just an excuse to indulge, or that I already felt guilty enough with the restrictions a baby puts on our time I didn’t feel comfortable enough to prioritize my health needs on top of that. In my pre-bebe life I was always so accommodating and flexible, now when I try to be that it always results in my needs not getting met. Despite this I still seem to be slimming down, encouraging to watch the baby belly finally begin to melt away.
– Kirsten Sikora
Week five is rolling to an end and I only have three weeks left to obtain my goals and win #MommyFit2011! This is scary considering how unmotivated I have been this week! However, wouldn’t you know that THIS is the week that everyone says how great I look and what a big difference I’ve made?! There really is no time to be unmotivated – I made the “mistake” of telling literally hundreds of people that I was a finalist for Mommy Fit 2011. Therefore, whether I go to work, my son’s school, my son’s daycare, my sister’s house, even online, someone, somewhere is asking me “How is it going?” “It” being the Mommy Fit weight loss challenge. These people are definitely keeping me accountable whether they are in Hawaii (private Facebook messages and encouragements from my bestie), at my sibling’s house (“that shirt looks so much better on you now!) or at their desk (“what plan are you on, I think I need to start it!”).
I ended last week full of intentions, plans and the determination to succeed. I went grocery shopping, prepared my lunch for Monday, kissed my children good night and went down for a full night’s rest before the alarm went off at six for my workout. Then… IT happened. The mother of all de-railers – the FLU.
Week four is about to start and I can’t believe it, where did time go? When I was chosen as one of the five finalists I thought to myself, wow 8 weeks, this is quite a mountain to climb but I need to climb it, I need to prove myself I can do it. Well I’m almost half way up the mountain and I thought that mountain use to look like Everest, it’s more like a small mountain now, the summit is right there.
So as I said being a new mom I am learning almost as much as the tiger cub but not as fast. This week as he was learning how much food should constitute a bite size, I was learning about realistic expectations and prioritizing. So going from months of inactivity after a c-section to the daily workout regimen had my thighs feeling like they were made out of lead, heavy and clumsy. So I eased up, took it slower, savoured the time I was taking for myself, as opposed to racing to maximize the tiny bit of workout time I could carve out for myself. It won’t bring results in the long term but neither will me collapsing into a heap of exhaustion. Weight loss was only one of my goals, balance and developing long term healthy habits are just as high on my list. This week was about pacing and while I’m not quite there, I am a few steps closer.
-Kirsten Sikora