Sure, more cardio and less wine may top most of our New Year’s Resolution lists, but as parents, it donned on us that we could focus on enriching the growth of our children a bit more efficiently than we do now. There aren’t enough hours in the day, and we often waste so many minutes. When you set 5 or 10-minute daily goals, you can be a much more effective parent without tacking hours onto the day. So don’t worry too much about breaking a sweat at the gym… here are the 2012 UrbanMommies parenting resolutions..
As a parent there are so many things to consider – but what good is all of the hard work on attachment parenting if we have no planet by the time the kids reach 21? We need to stop hurting our planet – and fast. With all of the things to remember as a parent or through pregnancy, you don’t need more to think about (and feel guilty for), so we’ve come up with a few easy tips that could easily become habits. Remember that kids learn what they are shown.
Not only can you save space and money with a handful of natural ingredients, but you can improve the health of your family as well. Vinegar, Borax, lemons, olive oil, baking soda and salt can work wonders in a home, and are usually already on hand. Here are some simple, but effective, recipes that will keep your home clean and healthy.
As a mother, you have to accept the inevitable, unwelcome, fact that kids are…well, really messy. At least mine are: they can enter a perfectly clean room and have it looking like a bomb went off in there in ten minutes, flat. Maybe less. As they get older the messes are getting smaller and easier to contain, but I well remember those years of grubby, sticky little fingers turning every surface into a smudgy mess. Although I used to attack everything with bleach, those days are long gone, because cleaning products have really turned the page in their effectiveness. Some are genuinely amazing in their space-agey ability to remove substances that you resigned yourself to being a permanent part of the decorating scheme. Here are some of the top new (and semi-new) cleaning products that will make your household sparkly in no time! (We love homemade and natural cleaners too, and have links to recipes and natural picks at the bottom).
My family has been trying this new scheduling system by Daytimer. Shopping lists, todos, and by-the-person scheduling pages. The best part? My hubby’s firewall (that blocks Google calendar) allows this system, and the printable schedule pages are amazing (and tidy) for the fridge. Every family member gets their own colour and section, and you can also overlay everyone’s pages on the ‘family’ calendar. The web-based functionality allows even family members across the country keep tabs on the family schedule.
The address book was easily importable from outlook and Google, and todos could be shared by all family members. (Cut the grass. Please.)
It is free, and easily accessible on any computer or smartphone. The only drawback was that there was not a dedicated iPhone or Blackberry app for the product which would allow for perfect synchronicity. But that being said? My husband is updating his own stuff, and.. the grass is cut.
www.homelife.daytimer.com
– UrbanMommies has received product compensation for this post however as always, our opinions are our own.
My friends and family all know that I’m a pretty equable person, one who is, normally, open to listen to advice and suggestions, even when they’re not solicited. However, with everyone else, I’m a bit more reserved. People who know me and my parenting/family dynamic have the right to butt in—but perfect strangers, not so much.
I’m not saying that I won’t politely accept a suggestion from another mom at the beach or the park or whatever—heck, I often solicit them! I’ll see some mom who is managing her brood so well, I will ask what her secret is. Or, vice versa, if I see someone having a hard time I’ll offer a kind word, such as to the mom in the grocery store line whose child is having a meltdown: “Don’t worry, we’ve all been there,” and maybe offer to help if I can do it without seeming too busybodyish. But criticism, or “You should do it thus-and-such-way”, type stuff is strictly verboten with me, given and received. Why? Because I’m in no position to judge—and neither are you.
However, today’s culture is infuriatingly nosy and intrusive. Part of this is owed, of course, to the fact that we put our dirty laundry out there for everyone; we blog, tweet and post about everything, and we solicit advice and we give it into the ether in the guise of sharing. I’m just as guilty as everyone else is. The difference is, I don’t butt in and try to act like an expert to someone. I’ll put my two cents in for an article, but I always try to couch my advice in the terms of “this is what works for me, it may not work for you,” and I never say I’m right, or that anyone else is wrong. That’s the sticking point.
What to do with these well-meaning yet clueless people? Well, here’s what I’ve found is effective:
Be polite: smile, nod.
Don’t engage them. It encourages it! At the most, say “Thank you,” even if you’re offended…a public fracas isn’t pretty.
If it continues, tell them, “Thanks for the advice. I’ll consider it. Have a nice day.” (You’re lying, but hey, maybe it’ll shut them up?)
Walk away.
Although, if you have a particularly snarky advice-giver, a nice parting shot may be in order, if you can think of one on the spot. It’s fun…just beat a hasty retreat.
OK, so many of us have found the idea of a dinner table more of an idealistic one; many dining room tables in many homes all over North America are covered in mail, discarded items and unfinished homework, rather than serving as a gathering place for the family to eat. Too many people take their meals at the TV or on the go that table manners seem to be a lost art. Perhaps it’s too late to salvage everything your grandparents insisted on, but there is definitely room for a modern-day reboot. Sweep the crud off that dining room table and start the process today!
Lay Down the Rules. Perhaps you can’t be like grandma and say no elbows on the table, but set some basic rules: no reaching across people or the table, no eating with fingers (except in certain cases), no burping at the table, etc. Simple stuff. If you must, make a chart and keep it up. Think of how proud and relieved you will be when you someday send your child off to college, knowing his table manners…well, perhaps later then, once he’s married. Maybe.
Practice. Sure, why not? Tea parties are perfect for boys and girls to teach table manners and etiquette. Have fun.
Provide Opportunities to Shine. When you go out to eat, don’t always automatically choose someplace silly and kid-oriented that needs no silverware, much less table manners. Kids older than age 7 can (should) be trustworthy enough to eat like people rather than pigs. Let them order something and help them to use their manner. When they succeed, praise them and let them know how proud you are. Plus, you get a meal that doesn’t automatically come with fries!
Some Basics:
- No open-mouthed eating
- No eating with fingers (unless it’s finger food, like fried chicken, pizza, etc.)
- Napkins in laps
- No reaching across the table or across other people
- Ask before taking a serving
- Say please and thank you
- USE the napkin
- Don’t chew or talk with open mouths
- Don’t talk about rude things at the table
- No burping
- If you’re a guest, eat what is served and don’t complain, unless you have a genuine dietary problem…which should have been advised of before dinner was served
- Keep elbows off the table
Good luck and God Speed!!
One of the hallmarks of a truly great society is its capacity for compassion. History has shown us little of this, which is why we have to start raising kind and compassionate kids from an early age. Why? Because they will be the ones dictating things to the future generations.
Kindness is something that is innate, but isn’t necessarily a dominant trait in nature. You will see animals in the wild being gentle with each other one moment…then ripping each other to bits the next. Same with humans. We have to train our kids to recognize and tamp down those negative impulses, to cultivate and groom the positive ones. What are some practical ways to do this?
Animals. From an early age, expose children to animals. If you’re a city-dweller or have allergies to domestic pets, try petting zoos and nature exhibits. Visit farms. Let your children see how animals act. Let them hold and touch them (stuff washes off!). Explain that everything and everyone has feelings, and that those feelings matter. A fuzzy chick or bunny can teach a major lesson in kindness and consideration in one setting.
Talk to them like they’re important. You know the old saying, “You give what you get, you get what you give”? It’s very true. If you’re constantly talking down to, belittling, or demeaning your child, making him or her feel incapable of doing good…guess what? Eventually, you’ll have a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Model kindness. If your children don’t see you being kind, what motivation or kind of example do they have to follow? Make sure you are as gracious and compassionate as YOU can be, to show them how it’s done. You will make yourself a better person in the process of making your kids better, too.
Point out the details. Kids are, by nature, narcissistic and egotistical. Physiological and emotional development takes time, and help from a wise elder. Teach them how to note the differences in body language and facial expressions, to gauge how people are feeling—it may give them an opportunity to do something kind in the future. Explain that words can hurt just like fists can, as can social shunning behavior. If they ask something socially unacceptable in public (oh, say, like asking what is wrong with the lady who has the very large and hairy wart on her nose behind you in the bank line’s face), be calm and try not to blow the opportunity to teach a lesson in time and place.
Do Stuff. Rather than just talk about charity, practice it. If you don’t have the money to donate, help organize fund-raisers for worthy causes, donate time at soup kitchens and homes for underprivileged kids, animal shelters, etc. By putting your child literally in a situation where they can make a difference, they will feel better about themselves and it will become an ingrained habit. Tiny kids can learn this lesson by donating their toys, or any toys you provide. Even if all you can do is write a monthly check, have your child help pick the charities.
It’s a process, and should be done deliberately, because a child who is kind and compassionate has the capacity to change the world, one good deed at a time.
Of course everyone was born with talents and strengths—especially your kids, right? So how do you as a parent go about encouraging your child’s strengths and talents?
It is one thing to excel at something yourself; it is another altogether to dream about your darling baby doing something altogether special and magical. We all get a thrill out of doing something well, but parenthood expands us, adds another dimension altogether to our capacity for pride and admiration. We want our kids to succeed, make their mark, be special, but how do we do that without turning into the Tiger Mom?
My twins were born in the midst of RSV season and because they were little and a bit premature, our pediatrician strongly suggested that we lay low until our two month vaccines. Added on to my three months of bedrest, this amounted to five months stuck in the house. When we finally got the ok to head out, I was thrilled. My mind raced with all the possibilities, but I quickly realized that the logistics of heading out with two babies are a bit overwhelming. In addition, every program for moms and babies that I read about, seemed specifically suited to having one baby.
If these are your first babies, you, too, may have fanticized about all the fun things that you would one day do with baby. Don’t fear, there are still many programs that can be adapted to twins and as twins are becoming more and more common, chances are these programs have accommodated twins before. Your best bet is to do some research, talk to other twin moms, talk to the people that put on the programs and try to arrange a free trial session (many programs offer a free first visit) so you can ensure that the logistics of participating with twins are manageable. Also watch that you are not being short changed because you have twins. For example, my local community centre had a music class for moms & babies. When I called about enrolling my twins, they told me that I would have to pay for two babies. After looking through the program calendar, I realized that there was a similar program for mom, baby and an older sibling. This program was cheaper than paying full price twice for the mom & baby music group I had inquired about. I called back and pointed out that they offered a discounted sibling rate for an older sibling and so it was only fair that my twins also receive this same group price. They agreed.
Here are some ideas for getting out with your twins. Most of these programs (unless otherwise noted) can be participated in (with a little juggling and a sense of humour) by yourself with two babies:
- Mom & Baby Group – many communities have a free local mom & baby group where you can meet with other new mothers in an informal setting. Other moms are often more than willing to give you an extra hand if both babies need tended to at the same time.
- Gymboree – Our local Gymboree class had accommodated twins before and the nice part was that we only had to pay for one baby. An exersaucer was set up for the other baby to sit behind my shoulder during circle time. Our Gymboree suggests participating with one baby for two weeks in a row and then switching and participating with the other baby for the next two weeks. This allows each baby to experience repetition of the program – an important part of the Gymboree curriculum. Call ahead to book a trial visit and let them know that you are bringing twins.
- Salsa Dancing – This class worked well when the babies were about three months old and would still sit fairly contently in their infant carriers. I would feed the drowsier baby and put her facing the class in her infant carrier. Something about the salsa music seemed to lull them to sleep. I would then participate with the other baby in the baby bjorn. Instructors who don’t have a baby of their own, will probably offer to dance with one of yours.
- Stroller Walking Clubs – These are often put on by professional baby program companies or local community centres – ours grew out of our Mom & Baby Group. A nice chance to walk and chat with other local moms.
- Go to the Movies– Many theatres now have baby friendly movies. These movies are shown during the day, with reduced volume and are specifically meant for families with babies. They provide change tables and places to park your stroller. It is probably easiest if you can bring along another set of hands the first time.
- Your local library – Most libraries have free baby programs where you can listen to stories, sing songs and meet with other moms and babies in an informal setting. These are fairly easy to participate in by yourself with two babies.
- Community Centres – Programs at the Community Centre are meant to serve the community. They should be happy to accommodate a local mother with twins. If the program requires parent participation, often the program leader will happily use one of your children for demonstration purposes, thereby allowing both babies to get the full benefit of the program.
- Mom & Baby Yoga – These programs are often offered by your local community centre or by professional yoga studios. This is another program where the class leader will usually be willing to take one of your babies for demonstration purposes. This program is easier to participate in with younger babies that aren’t yet mobile.
- Baby Sign Language Courses -Our local classes are offered on a “per family” basis so no need to pay extra for twins.
- Swimming – OK, there are some programs where you just can’t avoid the need for two sets of hands. Swimming is one of them. Luckily our local pool offered baby classes in the evening and on weekends so we were able to bring Dad or Grandma along.