Clammy hands. Racing heart. Clenched stomach. If I could give my children one gift for their lifetime, it would be to manage stress. I wish they could learn techniques so that they could be confident and grounded in any situation. In our society, parents are continually bombarded with the current health buzz. We are so careful about not eating unpasturized cheese while pregnant. We ditch the carpet lest our kids are affected by off-gassing, and we work incessantly to make sure there are no parabens in our shampoo, nitrites in our meat and dust in our pillows. Doing the right things for our children can not only be time-consuming but stressful as well. And we’ve also heard the buzz about the long-term health consequences of stress. What better gift could we bestow on any human being than the gift of a healthy coping mechanism? Child and youth clinical counsellor Michele Kambolis is the Vice Chair of the BC Mental Health Foundation, and saw the need for a program for children to learn the coping skills for stressful situations thoughout their lives. Enter CHI Kids. It needs more than a drumroll.
The Tiny Light Foundation pairs photographers with families of children faced with life altering diagnoses, and gives them the opportunity to capture their joy, strength and courage in photos. These photo sessions may otherwise be out of mind for families faced with expensive medical costs or overwhelming obstacles above the call of an average parent.
I never get flowers on Valentine’s Day. I made the decision long ago that I’d rather a bouquet every month for no reason than an overpriced bunch of roses on February 14th that won’t last long. Really, what do men and women need? To feel loved and cared about. Flowers, chocolate and all of the commercial trappings pushed on society once a year don’t always translate into a feeling of being loved. Why not try some of these ideas that will cost next to nothing but make your partner feel truly cared about? Here are some Easy Ideas for Year-Round Romance. Feel free to add your own.
AAAH-CHOO! I hab a cold in my node. And I just raided the kid’s medicine cabinet to fix it! I always used Boiron’s Camilia for the teething pain, so was thrilled to hear that they’ve developed natural medicines for children’s cough, cold and flu. Boiron’s Stodal for coughs is specifically formulated for children 1 year and older, tastes like honey, is toxin-, dextromethorphan- and guaifenesin-free and boasts no alcohol, no artificial colorings or flavorings. MMMM. www.boiron.ca
This is fun. (Mainly because my kids actually sleep now) and it brings back so many memories of bad mommy dates when ‘Sleep Training‘ disagreements happened. I felt isolated, alone, tired and fed up with everyone else proffering their ‘advice’ and ‘tips‘. (It’s actually one of the reasons why I wanted to run UrbanMommies.com and UrbanDaddies.com.) Nobody should preach to you. But you should have the info that you need in an easy-to-read format. And nobody should feel alone as a new parent. It’s the hardest and best time, and that’s when you need the support. That being said, Elizabeth Pantley wrote “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” and has some fabulous gentle methods. Here’s an overview of baby sleep methods from Elizabeth Pantley.
Want to see a bunch of new moms come to blows faster than teams in a Stanley Cup playoff? Mention infant sleep training – and then talk about Richard Ferber. We review his ideology so you can pick a side for the fight. Just remember, you are the parent and your own instincts blended with your baby’s cues cannot be preached at by anybody, no matter how much of an offence they can play. (And moms also reserve the right to change their mind if their first choice doesn’t work). Here is an overview of Baby Sleep Methods from Richard Ferber.
The Ferber Method
Infant sleep problems are what a lot of parents are normally confronted with as a challenge in raising their children. Dr. Richard Ferber, in an attempt to help solve these problems proposed a couple of methods to be used in sleep training for infants and children. These methods are now popularly referred to as Ferberization techniques. In a nutshell? The parent leaves the baby to cry for a predetermined time before giving external comfort that will put the baby to sleep.
The wide array of techniques for infant sleep training as proposed by Richard Ferber includes taking steps to prepare the baby for sleep. This involves a number of day time and bed time activities – a routine that the baby can easily associate with sleep. It also entails leaving the child in bed and leaving the room at bedtime. The parent can return to comfort the baby at progressively increasing intervals without picking the baby up. This should be done till the baby falls asleep. As the days go by, the intervals for returning to comfort the baby should be increased progressively. Ferber is often misunderstood. He does condone flexibility, such as when a child is ill, traveling or has a babysitter, but stresses the importance of the routine and the lack of positive reinforcement that a baby receives for crying in order to be soothed to sleep.
The Sleep Training Controversy
This ‘training’ usually takes place between 4 and 6 months of age. However, different parents may get different results using these techniques. The controversy comes about when experts try to determining whether infants become insecure and are scarred for the future if they are left to cry at all.
Whatever your opinion, bringing up the topic in a group of new moms is always quite exciting. Just be prepared to win or lose friends..
For more information about training a baby to sleep, visit: www.childrenshospital.org
Recently one of my oldest friends, whom I’ve known since kindergarten, got in touch. “We’re coming to town! Can we see you?” I was thrilled – between us we have four boys under five and have wanted to get them together for ages. With our visit being last minute and later in the day than the kids are accustomed to, though, it was mayhem for all of us. Without specific activities set out for them, our little ones bounced off the walls accordingly. My friend and I couldn’t finish a sentence, let alone a conversation. For two families who rely heavily on structure for sanity and functionality, being without a plan took away from the experience. Worth it? Yes! But by the time we were done she and I were exhausted. Here’s our recipe for a play date that keeps kids and moms happy!
In a nutshell, there is a better way. Kids need to know there is a program in place. If you do things in the right order they will be too occupied by what you’ve got them doing to get bored and into trouble. Make a schedule for the play date and plan activities that accommodate their needs.
My suggestion is to start with some kind of exercise. I’m talking about real physical exertion here. The more fun, the better, so if you’re at home, set up a potato sack race or an obstacle course in the yard (no horseshoes, though – you don’t want some poor little person getting winged in the head with one of them). If you’re planning to be out and about there are places popping up everywhere offering both indoor and outdoor “adventure zones” for kids of all ages. If you don’t want to spend money on admission fees, use what you have at home or go to the park. Whether it’s to be a day inside or out, make sure the kids get an opportunity to burn off some steam! They will feel great and it will calm them for the rest of your time together. You should plan to participate in this part of the play date. It’s an opportunity to determine a feeling of safety and set forth ground rules for the remainder of your time together; your young guests should feel comfortable treating you as their go-to grown-up and it’s your responsibility to establish this.
After a workout, everyone will need to rest and refuel. When I host a play date, I always make sure I know if those joining us have any allergies, food aversions or requests. This is not to be confused with being a short order cook – the point here is to make everything easier, not to wait on everyone the whole time. The nice thing about apprising yourself of what people like or dislike is that no one is going to criticize you for ordering takeout or serving store-prepared foods if they know you’ve taken the time to consider them when doing so. Once I have my information, I plan an easy snack or meal and get as much of it done in advance as possible. Fun food for kids is imperative! Involve them in the preparation – make mini pizzas they load themselves or have them spread their own peanut butter and jelly. Put out finely cut fruit or veggies and let them make funny faces on their pancakes or toast. If you want to keep them calm, don’t overdo it with the sugar. Go with bananas rather than chocolate. Make smoothies (you can call them milkshakes!) instead of serving pop. No hard and fast rules, and by all means splurge on burgers and milkshakes from time to time. It’s all about balance.
Now, I am a huge advocate of turning off the damned TV when sitting down to dinner. Playdates can be an exception to this – and no, it doesn’t make you a lousy parent. Getting the kids exercised and fed is hard work and you will need some down time! Turn on Peep and the Big Wide World or put in a Disney movie – something appropriate for all ages present. You can do this during the feeding frenzy, as it may serve to distract them and cut down on the mess, or you can wait until they’re done. Hopefully you’ve remembered to brew the coffee or make yourself a snack too, because now is the time to enjoy the relative lull in activity.
The next important element is to have a few alternatives available for those kids who just can’t sit still. A train set, an accessible book selection, some coloured pencils and paper and a collapsible tunnel would be a great combination of options. The more straightforward the activity, and the less pieces involved, the more it will appeal to kids of different ages. Puzzles, climbing equipment and musical instruments are great things to have around, but as long as there are several opportunities for creative play most children will happily occupy themselves.
Don’t forget the magic! Add some whimsy by having the kids cut and arrange flowers as they set the table, or sprinkle some “fairy dust” (sure, glitter is hard to clean up, but life is short) while they play. You can always turn off the TV and throw on some Raffi instead. Have a dance party. Jump on the bed. Go puddle jumping if it’s rainy; a canoe or trail ride if it’s a beautiful day. These are the moments you will all remember later on.
Finally, the best trick of all: if you can swing it, hire a nanny for the afternoon and let her execute your master plan! If your young guests’ mom is a friend of yours, get out the martini shaker or the chocolate or whatever floats your boat. Then, get the hell out of dodge and take a break! Go put your feet up and have a good conversation. Feed your sanity a little.
Coming soon: further explorations on dealing with other people’s nannies, your obligation to other parents hosting your kids’ play dates, correcting or disciplining other people’s children, and whether you should assume your older child’s sibling is invited to that birthday party!
– Samantha Jeffers Agar loves to get her kids laughing and has even been known to sew the odd potato sack.
New and soon-to-be moms face many important decisions : Co-sleeping or crib? Cloth or reusable diapers. And of course, the critical mission of finding the perfect nursing bra for those that plan to breastfeed. Sara Witzaney, owner of designer boutique Posh Mommy, realizes that like regular bras, not all nursing bras are created equal. These days, new moms have more selection than ever to choose from and it’s important to find the one that will meet your needs right from the beginning.
Q – My boy was born July, 2005. Everything is ok except sleep. During the night, he always cries, wakes up and then takes about 1 hour to sleep again. During the day he is happy and active and can have about a 2 hour nap every afternoon. I am worried that he lacks something in his body. Could you please give me some suggestions?
Bedwetting is also known as nocturnal enuresis. This is a common problem in children and it is really a source of great concern for many parents especially when they expect their children to learn potty training and stay dry at night at a very tender age. This condition is quite complex with medical, physiologic, and behavioural causes; and to some extent environmental issues may be all responsible for it. Genetics is also implicated in the cause of this condition in children. Studies have indicated that there is a high chance of a child to bed wet if any of the parents did the same. There is actually no specific reason of cause for this condition in children.