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The Baby Blues vs. PostPartum Depression – How to Tell the Difference

FAM, health By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

After birth, every woman feels…well, a bit out of sorts. There are all kinds of changes going on in your body, there are emotional, mental, and physical stressors everywhere…it’s a difficult time. Practically every new mom experiences some version of the “baby blues,” a normal reaction to the chemical and emotional soup that has become your bloodstream and all the stuff that’s going on around her, but some actually find that their baby blues slip into something more serious: post-partum depression. What’s the difference between the two, and when do you know you need help?

“The Baby Blues”

Depression after Delivery, which is a US postpartum depression support organization, saying that “baby blues is a biological response to a woman’s rapidly changing hormone levels after pregnancy. Symptoms include tearfulness, irritability, impatience, restlessness, and anxiety.” Yeah, tell me about it! A new baby’s arrival brings a disjointed schedule, a sore and changing body, and lots of crying—and then there’s the baby itself to consider! Everyone is allowed some leeway here: no human being is impervious to these things. The baby blues hits around 50-75% of new moms in the weeks after birth, and there’s no shame in it.

Baby Blues Symptoms:

(Source: Postpartum Support International):

Physical Symptoms:

  • Lack of sleep
  • No energy
  • Food cravings or loss of appetite
  • Feeling tired even after sleeping

Mental States:

  • Anxiety and excessive worry
  • Confusion
  • Great concern over physical changes
  • Confusion and nervousness
  • Feeling, “I’m not myself; this isn’t me”
  • Lack of confidence
  • Sadness
  • Feeling overwhelmed

Behavioral Reactions:

  • Crying more than usual
  • Hyperactivity or excitability
  • Over sensitivity
  • Feelings hurt easily
  • Irritability
  • Lack of feeling for the baby

Post-Partum Depression

However, post-partum depression is a different thing altogether. This is a clinical condition that is the baby blues multiplied. Women with PPD find they feel hopeless, doubtful, exhausted yet unable to sleep, they have mood swings, violent thoughts (of hurting themselves and others, including their babies), and a feeling of being disconnected or disjointed from life. If you find yourself constantly angry, sad, and depressed after the first couple of weeks, you may need some help from a professional—and there’s no shame in it.

Post Partum Depression Symptoms

(Source: Postpartum Support International):

Physical Symptoms:

  • Headaches
  • Numbness, tingling in limbs
  • Chest pains, heart palpitations
  • Hyperventilating

Mental States:

  • Despondency or despair
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Inability to cope
  • Hopelessness
  • Over concern for baby’s health
  • Impaired concentration or memory
  • Loss of normal interests
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Bizarre or strange thoughts

Behavioral Reactions:

  • Extreme behavior
  • Panic attacks
  • Hostility
  • New fears or phobias
  • Hallucinations
  • Nightmares
  • Extreme guilt
  • No feelings for baby
  • Over concern for baby
  • Feeling “out of control”
  • Feeling like “you are going crazy”

Seek help first from your OB/GYN or family doctor, who will likely run some blood tests to rule out physical causes of your problems, like a thyroid disorder, which can produce many of the symptoms of PPD and is often present after pregnancy and childbirth. If he or she diagnoses you with PPD, you may need some therapy, a course of antidepressants, and a lot of help remembering how to love and nurture yourself.

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Favouritism

Favouritism: Are You Guilty…And What To Do About It

FAM, kids By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

Have you ever looked at your children and realized that you have a “favourite”? It’s a sobering moment. As parents, we’re not supposed to have favourites…right? We love our kids equally. Favouritism is ugly and can cause major resentment and family problems…but it’s real. Thousands of families deal with it every day.

I realized I had a favorite a little while back, and I have been battling it ever since. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t love that child more than my others. What it’s about with me is that my “favorite” has two things going for him: he’s the only one who looks anything like me, including my brown eyes (all my other kids have their dad’s baby blues); and…well, he’s also, hands-down, the best behaved and has the sweetest temperament of all my beautiful offspring. He’s one of those kids everyone loves effortlessly. He’s biddable and smart and funny and helpful…and he’s liberal with his “Mommy, you’re so beautiful” compliments and such. It’s hard not to favor him, especially when his brothers and sister are often the antithesis of helpful and biddable in terms of their behavior.

I especially have problems with my eldest son, whose dyslexia, ADHD and general assertive personality; he gets into trouble a lot, often without even trying. He’s so smart he is always looking for things to do, and when he does this, trouble finds him. See the potential for trouble here? Many families have the same problem: they have a black sheep and a golden child.

I know I also let the “favorite” get away with more than the others. I know I’m not as hard on him, and I give him more leeway and more privileges at times. I also know it’s not healthy for the other kids, and so totally unfair. So I undertook to rectify this problem, and here is what I found was effective in leveling the playing field of favoritism.

1. Acknowledge the Problem. In order to deal with something, you have to acknowledge there’s a problem in the first place. Start examining your behavior. When your kids complain you’re being unfair, listen to them instead of dismissing them—maybe they’re right! Watch yourself.

2. Stop and Think Before Speaking and Acting. This is a good rule of thumb in general for life; it’ll keep you out of trouble in other areas, too! Perhaps your “black sheep” child did something great, but you’re still irritated about him or her messing up before that, so you’re about the dismiss the good thing. STOP!! Forget the past: concentrate on the present, and give the child the acknowledgement they deserve. Before you dismiss your “golden child’s” misbehavior based on his/her past good deeds, STOP!! They need to learn consequences for their behavior, too. Try to be as fair as possible.

3. Realize Where Bad Behavior Could Be Coming From. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Bad breath is better than no breath at all?” It’s a true one: many kids “act out” or misbehave because they’re seeking attention of some kind—any kind! Pre-empt this kind of behavior by giving them attention, love, and time before you’re forced into a position to punish.

4. Spend time with the kids individually. Do something with each one alone, where you can appreciate them, instead of against the backdrop of the larger family dynamic.

5. Write Things Down. This may sound hokey, but it is invaluable. Write a letter to someone, anyone, talking about your “problem child”, but not about their negatives: emphasize the great things. Extol their virtues. You don’t have to mail the letter, but pour out your heart. Re-awaken the love and approval.

6. Apologize. If you catch yourself exercising favoritism, stop and apologize. No one should be above apologizing when they’re wrong about something. Allow your kids to see you’re fallible and also that you’re mature enough to acknowledge when you’re wrong.

This is by no means a perfect solution, but they are some practical steps you can take to break the habit of favoritism. Do yourself and your kids a favor and address the issue today, before it causes irreparable harm in your family.

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Getting Kids to Do Their Homework

FAM, kids By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , , , No Comments

Ah, school is back in session…and the homework should be getting into full swing. It’s the bane of every student’s existence, as well as every mom’s…The battle to get the kids to do their homework is an eternal one. You know they need to do it as early as possible, because the more tired a child is, the harder it is for them to think properly. They want to put it off as long as possible, because, well, because homework sucks. What’s the compromise? Here are some tips to winning the homework battle.

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5 Questions Parents always ask about Feeding Their Kids

Five Questions Parents Always Ask About Feeding Their Kids

FAM, health By September 8, 2011 Tags: , , , , No Comments

New parents have a lot to learn. Let’s be honest: How many of us really tried to bathe a newborn before having children? And who knew babies could go through a dozen diapers a day? Stages come and stages go, and with each passing one, we learn something new. There is one consistent task that is challenging for even the most experienced of parents – how to feed children. From kids who constantly spit up to super picky eaters, feeding kids is one of the most daunting tasks of parenthood.
Whether you are breast- or formula-feeding, eventually your baby will drink from a bottle and you’ll need to know the proper temperature for feeding, how to prevent clumpy formula and how best to clean the bottles to prevent mould and bacteria from causing contamination. As wee ones start solids, parents must become skilled at whipping up the right consistency for the food and finding proper seating positions for safety and ease of mealtimes. And as kids enter toddlerhood, questions of texture and safe food size and shape arise.With the right knowledge and tools, parents can easily transition their tots from bottles to purees and beyond.  We’ve answered five questions parents always ask about feeding their kids

1.     Why should I wait until my baby is six months old to start solids? The World Health Organization and Health Canada both recommend you wait until six months before introducing solids. This will help ensure your baby has the proper neck and tongue muscles to swallow and may reduce the risk of developing food allergies.

2.    When do I introduce a sippy cup? Depends on your baby! Some babies are eager and are ready to start at six to seven months; others don’t have much interest in learning to use a sippy until nine months. Your best bet is to watch for the signs and experiment. If more milk is ending up on her bib and not in her mouth, wait a few weeks and try again. With the Prince Lionheart Sippy Cup Upgrade Kit, learning to use a cup makes the transition easy. Handles can be added for independent bottle-feeding and nipples replaced with a sippy spout!

3.     Can I feed my toddler solids while she sits on my lap? Sure, but be prepared to “wear” your baby’s food. Try using a boosterPOD.® This comfy booster seat makes sitting safe, fashionable and fun! The soft seat design and practical base attaches securely to both child and chair.

4.     Do I really need to cut grapes in half or hotdogs lengthwise? Choking is always a fear with young children. Cutting food into small, bite-sized pieces will reduce the risk of choking. Teaching tots to chew is important at meal times.

5.    Can I use a bottle more than once without cleaning it? Not a good idea! Whether you are using formula or breast milk, when using a bottle it is imperative to clean and dry it properly. Standing milk or formula can breed harmful bacteria – hazardous to an infant’s health.  The Prince Lionheart Complete Dishwasher Basket System will ensure your bottles are cleaned and dried properly.

Lianne Phillipson-Webb would love to share her tips on how to best feed your baby as they move through those (messy!) early stages. She knows the tips and the tools required to help make mealtime a fun, stress-free part of your day.

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How to Have a Good Play Date

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , No Comments

So, you found the perfect play date mate for your child! This is an important step, helping to ensure a well-balanced, socially-adept childhood. No pressure or anything. You’ve never had a play date before; likely you’re as nervous as you were on your first real date! No worries, though, because here are some simple, practical tips for making your kid’s play dates simple and fun, the way they’re supposed to be!

First, Stop Stressing. Unless you picked a preppy, pretentious family with whom to have said play date, just dress yourself and your child normally, in play clothes. You don’t need to get the car detailed or get a bikini waxing—and your child doesn’t need his teeth whitened or highlights put in. Just you and your kid are enough for a good time.

Have an Exit Strategy. Not wishing the whole thing badly, but have something in reserve for if things fail miserably. Sometimes it’s a terrible match between your child and theirs, but you never know until it’s happening. So, keep the date short to start out with, and it doesn’t hurt to have an errand or event afterward that could suddenly become more urgent in the event of a kid-sized meltdown.

Easy Does It. The last think you should do with a shy child is to plunk him or her down in the middle of a busy play-date with a bunch of strange kids and expect miracles. That is a recipe for disaster, actually. Start slow and start small: one new kid, on your home turf, or on a common ground your child is familiar with.

Don’t Push. Think of it a bit like a date: don’t push it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Sometimes it will take a bit of time to elapse before they truly start warming up to each other.

Choose Play Friends Wisely. If you have a shy child, don’t ask the rowdy, rambunctious neighbor kid over as your first choice. Try to find someone more like your child, who won’t frighten or overwhelm them.

Provide Common Ground. If the date is on your home turf, have some cool stuff to play with and do available, to avoid boredom. Do something fun, like go to a kid’s museum or animal exhibit, where the kids can get tactile. Get outside so they can roughhouse. All these things are conducive to bonding.

Put the Pets Away. No matter how wonderful Fluffy or Whiskers is, it’s best to put all pets out of harm’s way until the play date is over. Some kids are afraid of animals, some get crazy over them and can cause strange reactions in a normally tranquil pet, while others are allergic. Always ask about pet allergies before volunteering to host a play date, to avoid uncomfortable moments.

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How to help encourage friendships with other kids

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , 1 Comment

Friendships are important to every child. Peer relationships allow kids to see themselves against a larger backdrop, to learn empathy and sympathy, and how to fit in with society at large.Some kids are naturally shy or more reticent than others; it’s as basic as introverts and extroverts. Still, introverts, or people who are not as bubbly and public about everything, have friends, too—usually very deep and long-lasting friendships. Making friends isn’t always easy for some people, especially some kids who are naturally more withdrawn. So how on earth do you encourage friendships for your a child?

Tips for parents to encourage friendships with others:

Start Slow. The last think you should do with a shy child is to plunk him or her down in the middle of a busy play-date with a bunch of strange kids and expect miracles. That is a recipe for disaster, actually. Start slow and start small: one new kid, on your home turf, or on a common ground your child is familiar with.

Don’t Push. Think of it a bit like a romance: don’t push it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Sometimes it will take a bit of time to elapse before they truly start warming up to each other.

Choose Play Friends Wisely. If you have a shy child, don’t ask the rowdy, rambunctious neighbor kid over as your first choice. Try to find someone more like your child, who won’t frighten or overwhelm them.

Provide Common Ground. Have some cool stuff to play with and do available, to avoid boredom. Do something fun, like go to a kid’s museum or animal exhibit, where the kids can get tactile. Get outside so they can roughhouse. All these things are conducive to bonding.

Teach Manners and Courtesy. No one worthwhile wants to be friends with a rude bully. So, do your kids a favor and teach them how to be polite, courteous, and kind. It goes a long way in fostering friendships and earning a good peer reputation.

Do Team Events. Encourage your child to participate in team-based events. This doesn’t mean just sports; it can include debate and other intellectual teams, clubs, volunteer groups, etc. They will meet like-minded kids and spend time with them in a positive arena. When they’re small, try out Gymboree, baby gymnastics, music and other groups, where they can get used to socializing with other kids early on.

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Should Kids Choose Their Own Clothes?

Should Kids Choose Their Own Clothes?

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , , No Comments

How many of us have seen them, strolling gamely down the street: a child who looked like she ran blindfolded into their closet and put on the first few things they found by sense of touch, no color, pattern or style coordination whatsoever? Usually finished off with a tiara, pair of fuzzy antennae, fairy wings, or a knee-high pair of Ugg or galosha boots? The big question as a parent is – should kids choose their own clothes?

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do's and don't of giving kids medicine

Do’s and Don’ts of Giving Kids Medicine

FAM, health By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

As much as we hate it, kids get sick. From the time they’re tiny babies and get that horrible first snuffly cold to the advent of communicable viruses and such that comes from interaction with other kids at school and playdates, your child will be sick more than a few times during their time in your care. Sometimes they don’t need much more than a tissue and a night with the dehumidifier, but other times more stern measures must be taken.

Some kids can be persuaded to take their meds easily enough, and the invention of newer, better-tasting formulas and interesting dosage methods have certainly made things easier for many parents in terms of getting Junior and Jenny to swallow their medicine. However, some kids are resolutely medi-phobic. Here is a common-sense guide to giving your kids medicine, and some do’s and don’ts of giving kids medicine.

Do’s

Give them some control. No, this doesn’t mean they get to call all the shots, but sometimes giving a child a bit of choice helps them feel less out of control. “Do you want to take this one or that one first?” or “Right now or after you’ve brushed your teeth?” are reasonable options to give, among others, depending on how often they must take the medicine and how strict the schedule is.

Supervise them. Sure, you trust your kid…but who’s to say he or she won’t just dump that little cup of liquid down the drain or spit out the pills when your back is turned? Don’t go all Nurse Ratched on them, but medicines like antibiotics and others requiring precise timing and dosage can’t be left to caprice.

Follow the directions. Always be exact about the label. If it calls for taking with or without food, or avoiding certain foods, etc., don’t scrimp.

Be Generous with Praise. If your child took their medicine, make sure you let them know how proud you are. If it won’t interfere with the medicine, even apply a bit of Mary Poppins and give a spoonful of sugar, although not literally—perhaps a Hershey’s Kiss or other small candy. Or, use a completely foodless reward and give them a gold star for good behavior, to redeem in the future for something they want. The value of a big hug and worse of praise can’t be underestimated, either.

Observe the Age Ranges. When it comes to OTC medicines, always stick with the manufacturers’ guidelines. Why? Because they are there for a reason. Kids react differently to drugs than adults do; even small quantities of certain chemicals cause no reaction in an adult but can prove dangerous to children. Generally, pediatricians advise not giving any kind of drugs, especially cold medicines, to infants under age 9 months of age or so.

Be a Good Example. Let your kids see you take your daily vitamins and/or any other pills or formulas you may take, to provide them with the idea that taking medicine is ok. However, make sure you keep your meds out of their reach, and let them know that it’s not ok for people to take each other’s medicines.

Help them Take Nasty Stuff Easier. Those nifty new film strips that dissolve on the tongue and the liquid-gels that are like fizzy candy are all the rage for allergies and such, but unfortunately not all meds are like that. If your child has to take antibiotics and other prescription drugs, they may be awful-tasting (despite the flavorings the pharmacies add) or chalky, which puts anyone off. In order to help them learn to take these, show them some tried-and-true techniques:

  1. Holding the nose. Ah, yes, this old favorite does indeed work. By following the dose with a gulp of juice or a swig of water you can cut the flavor; however, if it’s an expectorant, cough syrup or throat medicine, wait half an hour before giving liquids. Instead, have them take their medicine at the bathroom since and let them brush their teeth right away.
  2. Suck on an ice cube. By sucking on something icy for a minute or so before taking the medicine, the taste buds are numbed somewhat. Only do this with older kids, of course.
  3. Mix liquid medicine with a measured amount of yogurt or a V8 Smoothie, which will cover up the taste well and not dilute the medicine.

How to Swallow Pills. Eventually every kid has to learn how to swallow pills. Start out small: invest in a pill cutter, or carefully cut larger pills into smaller chunks, which will be easier to swallow. Have them place the pill at the very back of the throat and have them take at least 2-3 big gulps of water, while keeping their heads tilted back. While this is going on, stroke his or her throat in a repetitive, downward motion to induce peristalsis. This works well on dogs and cats, too!

Don’ts

Don’t mix medicine with food. Food changes the absorptive properties of medication, especially milk-based products. Also, you can’t be sure if they got it all if they didn’t eat the entire amount of food!

Don’t open capsules or crush pills to mix with liquids. Many medicines are time-release, meaning they need to be digested at a gradual rate, not in one big gulp. This can render the medication ineffective at best, and can be dangerous at worst.

Don’t force it. Sometimes it seems the only way is to hold them down and force them to take the medicine, but this is entirely the wrong tactic: some kids get so freaked out by this that they become hysterical and can even become physically ill, vomiting up that medicine you spent so much time and effort getting down their throats. If your child is being recalcitrant, this is the time to give them some decompression time. You have a little leeway even with medication that is rigidly scheduled; let the kid calm down, talk to them…heck, sometimes you may find bribery the only way to get it done. If so, comfort yourself in the knowledge that many other moms have walked in your shoes, and their kids didn’t turn out mass-murderers, ok?

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