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Deciding to be a Stay-at-home Dad

FAM, self By Jill Amery July 2, 2013 Tags: childcare, kelly milroy, sahd, slider, stay at home dad, td, td bank 1 Comment

Following the tragedy of September 11, 2001, a busy executive decides life is too short not to be a Stay-at-home Dad for a spell.

Kelly Milroy, AVP of Investor Relations TD Bank is one of TD’s hardest-working dads – after a six-month leave to spend time with his son, Ethan, he transitioned back into his work responsibilities, his Oakville-Toronto commute, and balancing quality time with his family.

TD’s proactive support is essential for a satisfying employee experience. They encourage health in all areas of life, starting with your family. TD’s approach towards flexible work hours comes from the value in the quality of work delivered, instead of the face-time hours. For Kelly, the partnership with his employer is as established as the one with his wife, Martha.

1. How do you manage the commute to and from Oakville with three children and their activities?

It is critical to have both a supportive “home” partner (my wife Martha) and a flexible “work” partner (TD). Our daily routine has me doing drop-off at school, as Martha goes in to her job at TD Waterhouse for 7 a.m. Martha leaves the office between 4 and 430PM to pick up the kids at school and I come home after. We are regular users of the GO Train.

2. What made you take a break from your high-profile job at TD to be a stay-at-home Dad?

Our son Ethan was born in June 2001 and the Twin Towers went down in September. That was a seminal event for me (as for many people) and the catalyst to making a few important changes in my life. Being close to my children is not an option for me, it is a requirement. That horrible event showed me you have to do the things that are important while you have the chance to because you don’t get time back.

3. There is so much support for Moms these days. How did you find a support group and activities as a dad at home with the kids?

I actually did not utilize any support groups as a stay-at-home Dad. Like the stereotypical man who refuses to ask for directions, I went at it on my own and called Martha for help when necessary. I suppose I got a little lost along the way but that made the journey that much more adventurous!

4. Women who go back to work after time away to raise children often complain that leaving the corporate world for a few years harmed their career. Do you feel the same way?

I can’t speak to other people’s experience, but for me, I feel I have been quite successful with my career after coming back. In the years following my Parental Leave I have been promoted a few times and am currently an AVP in Investor Relations.

5. Now that you are back to work in the office – an hour from Oakville – how do you handle sick children, extra daytime events at the school and PD Days?

Again, it is critical to have both a supportive “home” partner (my wife Martha) and a flexible “work” partner (TD). Martha and I work together to make sure we take care of the family and decide who is more able, for any given situation, to stay at home. TD works with us by providing both Martha and I with remote access to the work network. This is a huge plus for us as it allows a tremendous amount of flexibility and not just for impromptu sick days. With remote access we can get work done from home “after family hours” which means after the kids go to bed. TD understands it is about the quality of your work and the seamless nature of the flexibility. As long as the work gets done to the same professional standard, and you can communicate in real-time with your colleagues, partners and clients, then it is a win for everybody.

6. What advice do you have for dads who make the choice to stay home?

Making the choice to stay at home is probably the hardest part of the whole process because, in my mind anyway, one of the biggest obstacles facing working fathers today is actually self-imposed. It is the perception by some fathers that it is somehow unmanly to be at home with children. I am so happy whenever a male colleague at TD approaches me to ask about my experience. That single action says to me “That man is considering doing this fantastic thing, a real life changer, and that I can help them see how positive an experience it was for me – and can be for them.” After that hard part is done, I would say just embrace the moments you have with your child. This is time we never get back so make the most out of every minute you have.

The All-Star Sports Birthday Party

EAT, entertain, FAM, kids By Jill Amery June 13, 2013 Tags: basketball, birthday party, Birthdays, cheap party, frugal heroes, ideas, slider, soccer, walmart, walmartcanada No Comments

Asked by Walmart to create a birthday party for six children with under $100, UrbanMommies hit the aisles and embarked on the Walmart Frugal Heroes Challenge. Scouring the store and channeling our creativity, we decided upon the All-Star Sports Birthday Party. I was shocked when we got to the cash with an entire basket-full of goods. I will admit (sheepishly) that the total came to $101.50, but we’re still proud.

Items:

1. Skipping Rope
2. 6 Red soccer jerseys
3. 1 set of 2 lb weights
4. 1 set of 5 lb weights
5. 4 orange pylons
6. 1 soccer ball
7. 1 basket ball
8. Box of microwave popcorn
9. 8 frozen tenderloin beef skewers for the BBQ
10. 2 boxes brownie mix
11. 1 tin chocolate icing
12. dotted cocktail napkins
13. striped luncheon napkins
14. red paper plates
15. Blue plastic tablecloth
16. 1 Case of Blue Kool-Aid Jammers

Total: $101.50

Surely we can create a party with this! With stations for the leaders to guide the 6 kids in sporty challenges, we jumped rope, did bicep curls, kicked the ball around pylons, did a pushup race and shot hoops. The kids gorged on popcorn and ‘Brownie Cake’ for dessert and beef kebabs and salad (from my garden and not included in prices). The ‘goody bag’ was the red jersey that each child got to take home (and could easily be personalized with masking tape).

Therefore, UrbanMommies, the least ‘frugal’ magazine ever, was able to create a memorable and fun party with minimal cost – oh, and it covers the one-hour of activity quotient that so few of our children are getting.

Must go. We’ve got some drills to recreate!

Disclosure: UrbanMommies was given a $100 gift card for Walmart for the purposes of creating a birthday party. We were not compensated for this article and all ideas and opinion are our own.

am i getting my period or am i pregnant?

Am I Getting My Period or Could I Be Pregnant?

FAM, LIVE, nourish, pregnancy By Jill Amery June 5, 2013 Tags: Am I Getting My Period or Could I Be Pregnant, backache, Conception, could i be pregnant, early pregnancy signs and symptoms, fatigue, featured, getting my period, menstruation, nausea, spotting before period No Comments

It can sometimes be difficult to tell your period apart from early pregnancy signs. I remember with both pregnancies asking myself “am I getting my period or could I be pregnant?” A lot of women confuse the symptoms with each other. Some of the early signs of pregnancy include: fatigue, nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, sore breasts, and headaches. These are just a few of the early pregnancy symptoms. However each woman is different and the pregnancy symptoms may vary.

Early pregnancy symptoms are also similar to those of side effects of getting your period. But how do you tell if you’re pregnant and it’s not just your period? If your period is a few days late I wouldn’t get too worried just yet. While your period can be on time for many years, it can also regulate now and then. If your period is 7 or more days late, you can always try a pregnancy test. It’s usually difficult to even catch a pregnancy with a test at the very early weeks, so if it’s negative your first time and your period still hasn’t come, I would wait a week or so then try the test again. Cramping, hot flashes, headaches, and light spotting can very well just be your period.

Some pregnant women do notice a little light spotting around the time of their period, however you can also experience light spotting during the time of your period even when you are not pregnant. If you have more than a few of these symptoms, I would take a pregnancy test right away.

– Sore breasts
– Fatigue
– Nausea
– Lack of energy
– 5-7 days or later period
– Backaches
– Cramping
– Cravings or food aversions
– Mood swings
– Bloating
– Elevated body temperature
– Sensitivity to smells
– Dizziness or fainting

All of these signs can point to pregnancy. (We also have some ‘Very Early Pregnancy Signs‘ if you are interested). If you feel other symptoms such as pelvic or abdominal pain, or lightheadedness, call your practitioner immediately. These can be signs of ectopic pregnancy.

Understanding Labour Contractions

FAM, pregnancy By Jill Amery June 4, 2013 Tags: contractions, first stage of labour, labor, labour 2 Comments

Women periodically experience labour contractions when pregnant, even before they enter real labour. Every now and then, the tightening and relaxing of the uterine muscles can stop you in your tracks. These muscles are the largest on a female body. When pregnant, certain stimuli target the pituitary gland to release a hormone called oxytocin. The hormone then stimulates the lining of the uterus and controls its movements. It is then quite difficult to predict when the labor will actually be. It is best to talk to a doctor about understanding labor contractions so that you know what to do and what things you can do if you feel these contractions on your pregnancy.

Early Labour Contractions

When a woman has labor contractions, she would often feel like she is cramping on her uterine area. The sensation starts at the back and in a wave-like pattern, the sensation moves all the way to the front. For some women, the labor contraction is like a pressure on the back area. When a pregnant person has a labor contraction, the stomach feels very hard to the touch. These contractions are very necessary for labor as it is a combination of contractions. When this happens, the upper part of the uterus becomes thickened or tightened. At the same time, the cervix and the lower part of the uterus becomes more flexible as with contraction and relaxation to help the baby pass and be born.

More Regular Contractions

The labor contractions are timed and intermittent. There is a resting period in between the contractions. Contractions often last for 60 seconds with about 5 minute intervals for each. When you start feeling the contractions, it is best to make an effort and record them. You should check how long the initial contraction was and the relaxation. This will help a midwife or a doctor to know at which stage of the labor you in is. During these times, the pregnant woman would consider this as sever menstrual cramps or gas pains. These could at often times be mistaken for flu or intestinal disorders. Contractions are graphed as wave like patterns and it has a zero point and a peak where it is very prominent. As the time for the delivery arrives, the resting time between contractions will shorten as well.

When you are feeling contractions already, take these as signs that your newborn baby will soon be by your arms and all the pain will go away right after that. Looking at things positively will help you relax and calm when in labor. Pressure and negativity can cause stress to your body and if you have a weak heart, you could go to a critical condition. Calm yourself down whenever you can and think positively. Work with your body. Do not work against is. Once you have gotten the hang of it, you will notice that the contractions will pass by and soon enough, your new child will be there and it will all take the pain away and turn it into joy and relief as well as a feeling of completeness as a mother.

Trying to Conceive

FAM, pregnancy By Jill Amery June 4, 2013 Tags: Conception, featured, trying to conceive, trying to get pregnant 2 Comments

When you are trying to conceive, there are so many myths. A few of our favourites include elevating your hips after intercourse, making love while standing, or drinking various elixirs. What we do know, is that conception can only occur around the time of ovulation. Ovulation is when an egg is released, and for most women, happens approximately two weeks after the start day of your last menstrual cycle.

Diagnosing Autism

FAM, health By Jill Amery May 20, 2013 Tags: ASD, autism, babies, behaviour problems, featured, kids, routine, sensory stimulationc, social relationships, spectrum disorder No Comments

The process of diagnosing Autism in a child can be a little bit difficult for parents at home since it involves a series of observations on a child’s behaviour. Specialists in this field agree that it is best to identify and treat this disorder in children at an early age. Parents are usually concerned about the warning signs to look out for in their babies for them to be concerned. There are particular signs that children who end up with this disorder start exhibiting at a tender age. There are standard Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) indicators which are very common to autistic children.

Cleft Lip, Cleft Palate

FAM, health By Jill Amery May 20, 2013 Tags: abnormality, cleft lip, cleft palate, development, featured, gestation No Comments

Cleft lip is an opening or gap in the lip which occurs as a congenital deformity caused by inability of facial structures to fuse together during gestation period. There is a possibility of this deformity to affect other parts of the face like eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and the forehead. Several factors are implicated in the cause of this deformity. These factors include genetic, syndrome, non-syndrome as well as environmental factors. There are also researches currently going on to ascertain the possibility of other causes of this deformity.

Genetic causes of this condition are still not explicit but there are serious indications that genes may be involved. Most syndromes like Van der Woude Syndrome and Stickler’s syndrome have been implicated as a cause of this deformity. Some genes that are connected to some syndromes have also been recognized as contributors to cases of cleft lip. Environmental influences or substances that may have a gene mutation effect can also be responsible for clefting of lip during intra-uterine life. Substances investigated for this include: maternal diet, environmental pollutants, illegal drugs (cocaine, heroin etc) and alcohol.

Cleft lip can easily be treated through surgery. To get the best results, this is normally done between 2-3 months after delivery or during early childhood.

Why Kids Need Structure

FAM, kids By Jill Amery May 18, 2013 Tags: Education, parenting, routine, schedule, slider, structure 1 Comment

My friends were exhausted. And for good reason. They have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, commute to work, and have to walk the dog. But, wait. Haven’t many people gotten through that? Looking at their tired eyes, and seeing them deal with their children, I remembered numerous episodes of Nanny 911. Structure helps everyone. Many a time I saw the nanny implement the ‘families sit down to eat dinner’ rule. ‘Everyone sleeps in their own bed’ soon followed. I always thought this simply provided structure just for the kids, but seeing this struggling family without much structure for children, it all made sense.

The routine provides clear decision making (or limits the need to make decisions) for parents. It eliminates guilt (I decided last year not to give in to tantrums, and this is a tantrum, therefore I shouldn’t feel guilty for not doling out another cookie) and it assists with family unity. Dinner being ready at 6, all sitting around a table facilitates conversation, and also allows duties such as washing up to follow. With bedtime, when parents can never have the same routine twice or depend on sleep for themselves or their children, a cranky family ensues.

Routines give kids a sense of security and help them develop self-discipline. Children also naturally fear the unknown, and structure will allow them to handle change within a context of the ‘known’. These little minds and bodies change daily and the familiar acts as a comfort.

The possibility of handing kids to babysitters and having them be put to sleep without a set routine is stressful and often ruins an evening that you are paying quite a bit for. Leave it to a night when you are exhausted for the toddler to decide not to go to bed, or to get up every 30 minutes. If you don’t have a fairly stricy routine for this, the child gets mixed messages. Parents should be able to parent – to make the decisions and be the ‘alphas’ in their family. Children crave this structure, and look for role models.

We have so much clutter in our brains and structure can eliminate all of those extra decisions. So get out the calendar and a timer and relax!

Tips for Treating Head Lice

FAM, health By Jill Amery May 18, 2013 Tags: childcare, featured, health, lice, lice squad, louse, natural remedies, natural remedy, nits, slider 1 Comment

This is one topic that most of us aren’t pontificating over at a cocktail party, but most parents will need a few tips for treating head lice in their bag of tricks. Lice (the plural of louse in case you’re a grammar nut) are a very common problem, especially for kids ages 3 years to 12 years. Girls are affected more often than boys. Lice aren’t dangerous and they don’t spread disease, but they are highly contagious and can affect the self esteem of the most secure child. As the lice bite a child’s scalp, itchiness and inflammation occur.

Signs of Head Lice

Lice eggs are called nits. These look like tiny yellow, tan, or brown dots before they hatch. Nits look sort of like dandruff, only they can’t be removed by brushing or shaking them off. You may be able to see the lice or nits by parting your child’s hair into small sections and checking for lice and nits with a fine-tooth comb on the scalp, behind the ears, and around the nape of the neck.

Treatment of Head Lice

1. We’ve heard great reports about Lice Squad. They use pesticide free products, and carefully removes the lice with a solution and comb. It takes 1-2 hours and is done in your home. You can try medicated shampoos and removal combs yourself as well.

2. Saturate their hair in baby oil and go through it with a detangler comb then lice come. When you are confident you have most of the bugs, mix vinegar in with their shampoo and let them sit for an hour.

3. Soak your hair with mouthwash and then put on a shower cap. You may need to put a towel around your neck to stop some of the dripping. Let it sit in your hair for 2 hours. After that rinse out the mouthwash and then rinse your hair with vinegar to loosen the glue on the nits. After you rinse out the vinegar, use some conditioner as a final step.

4. Mix lemon juice with baking soda. The mixture will foam up as you stir. Apply to hair. Leave on for a few hours and wash hair.

Good luck and be sure to share which method worked best for you!

They’re Still Loud but Boiron Camilia kept them Happy

FAM, health By Jill Amery May 16, 2013 Tags: boiron, cold, colic, coryzalia, cough, DAPIS, hives, homeopathic, insect bites, kids, medicine, natural, slider, stodal, teething No Comments

Many readers know that my son went through colic. But I’ve never really admitted the full extent of the turmoil that swept our house for 18 months. So in the spirit of our new blog, I will dish it. I was kicked out of mommy and me pilates. (Twice). And then excused from a breastfeeding group with nurses due to the excessive noise. People would come up to me on the street with advice (constructive criticism..). “I think he’s hungry! Wet! Tired! Overstimulated!”

What kind of mother would take a child that screams for an hour into a grocery store? The kind that needs groceries and has no other option, thank you. If you would care to watch him at home while I shop I would be grateful. But he will cry – no matter how many needs you satisfy. And he won’t get tired BY THE WAY – not even after 4 hours straight. It went on and on, and experts weighed in as close friends worried my husband and I would drive off a dock hurdling the whole family into the ocean in our LandRover.

Along with the other suggested colic remedies, we were introduced to Boiron camilia. I had used their arnica montana as a homeopathic remedy after giving birth and we decided to try the camilia. Typically recommended for teething, this natural herb is free of acetominiphen and anisthetics and is fully safe for babies. More important, it had a calming effect on our little (screamer) monkey. You twist the tip off the plastic tube of the convenient individual dose and can even slip the liquid into baby’s mouth while nursing (or better yet, have them pretend it’s a nipple and suck it out). We would have ‘picnics’ and I would have chamomile tea when he had his ‘medicine’.

Now that my two boys are bigger, though not quieter (now they never stop talking), they catch colds at school and get boo boos as they tumble. Insect bites while tree climbing are common. Boiron has (thankfully) expanded their lineup so I can keep curing the boys with natural medicines.

DAPIS gel is an ointment to relieve hives, itching and promote the healing of insect bites. Now they tell me. (I didn’t have to buy all of that mosquito netting after all.) The flip cap ensures a tidy application and the 40g tube is easy to slip into a purse or diaper bag.

I was one of those parents taken aback by the research on and subsequent removal of traditional childrens’ cough syrups from the pharmacy shelves. And it, of course, became another bone of contention with the older generation, “Well I gave it to you and you turned out fine! Kids these days…” Thankfully, STODAL honey-based cough syrup is great for kids over one year of age and – ahem – looks like any other ‘traditional’ cough syrup. So your mom doesn’t need to know that you’ve changed up the parenting practices. It’s so yummy my kids keep asking for it on their pancakes. When you come from Canada and it ousts maple syrup you know you’re onto something. (It now also comes in sugar-free). Unfortunately it doesn’t make the kids drowsy, so they keep talking and talking, but at least they’re not keeping me up at night with the cough. And I have Boiron camilia with my nighttime tea, so I’m relaxed anyway.

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Boiron. As always our opinions are our own.

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