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raising kind and compassionate kids

Raising Kind and Compassionate Kids

grow, LIVE By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , 1 Comment

One of the hallmarks of a truly great society is its capacity for compassion. History has shown us little of this, which is why we have to start raising kind and compassionate kids from an early age. Why? Because they will be the ones dictating things to the future generations.

Kindness is something that is innate, but isn’t necessarily a dominant trait in nature. You will see animals in the wild being gentle with each other one moment…then ripping each other to bits the next. Same with humans. We have to train our kids to recognize and tamp down those negative impulses, to cultivate and groom the positive ones. What are some practical ways to do this?

Animals. From an early age, expose children to animals. If you’re a city-dweller or have allergies to domestic pets, try petting zoos and nature exhibits. Visit farms. Let your children see how animals act. Let them hold and touch them (stuff washes off!). Explain that everything and everyone has feelings, and that those feelings matter. A fuzzy chick or bunny can teach a major lesson in kindness and consideration in one setting.

Talk to them like they’re important. You know the old saying, “You give what you get, you get what you give”? It’s very true. If you’re constantly talking down to, belittling, or demeaning your child, making him or her feel incapable of doing good…guess what? Eventually, you’ll have a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Model kindness. If your children don’t see you being kind, what motivation or kind of example do they have to follow? Make sure you are as gracious and compassionate as YOU can be, to show them how it’s done. You will make yourself a better person in the process of making your kids better, too.

Point out the details. Kids are, by nature, narcissistic and egotistical. Physiological and emotional development takes time, and help from a wise elder. Teach them how to note the differences in body language and facial expressions, to gauge how people are feeling—it may give them an opportunity to do something kind in the future. Explain that words can hurt just like fists can, as can social shunning behavior. If they ask something socially unacceptable in public (oh, say, like asking what is wrong with the lady who has the very large and hairy wart on her nose behind you in the bank line’s face), be calm and try not to blow the opportunity to teach a lesson in time and place.

Do Stuff. Rather than just talk about charity, practice it. If you don’t have the money to donate, help organize fund-raisers for worthy causes, donate time at soup kitchens and homes for underprivileged kids, animal shelters, etc. By putting your child literally in a situation where they can make a difference, they will feel better about themselves and it will become an ingrained habit. Tiny kids can learn this lesson by donating their toys, or any toys you provide. Even if all you can do is write a monthly check, have your child help pick the charities.

It’s a process, and should be done deliberately, because a child who is kind and compassionate has the capacity to change the world, one good deed at a time.

 

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encourage child's strengths and talents

Encouraging Your Child’s Strengths and Talents

LIVE, nourish By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

Of course everyone was born with talents and strengths—especially your kids, right? So how do you as a parent go about encouraging your child’s strengths and talents?

It is one thing to excel at something yourself; it is another altogether to dream about your darling baby doing something altogether special and magical. We all get a thrill out of doing something well, but parenthood expands us, adds another dimension altogether to our capacity for pride and admiration. We want our kids to succeed, make their mark, be special, but how do we do that without turning into the Tiger Mom?

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do's and don't of giving kids medicine

Do’s and Don’ts of Giving Kids Medicine

FAM, health By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

As much as we hate it, kids get sick. From the time they’re tiny babies and get that horrible first snuffly cold to the advent of communicable viruses and such that comes from interaction with other kids at school and playdates, your child will be sick more than a few times during their time in your care. Sometimes they don’t need much more than a tissue and a night with the dehumidifier, but other times more stern measures must be taken.

Some kids can be persuaded to take their meds easily enough, and the invention of newer, better-tasting formulas and interesting dosage methods have certainly made things easier for many parents in terms of getting Junior and Jenny to swallow their medicine. However, some kids are resolutely medi-phobic. Here is a common-sense guide to giving your kids medicine, and some do’s and don’ts of giving kids medicine.

Do’s

Give them some control. No, this doesn’t mean they get to call all the shots, but sometimes giving a child a bit of choice helps them feel less out of control. “Do you want to take this one or that one first?” or “Right now or after you’ve brushed your teeth?” are reasonable options to give, among others, depending on how often they must take the medicine and how strict the schedule is.

Supervise them. Sure, you trust your kid…but who’s to say he or she won’t just dump that little cup of liquid down the drain or spit out the pills when your back is turned? Don’t go all Nurse Ratched on them, but medicines like antibiotics and others requiring precise timing and dosage can’t be left to caprice.

Follow the directions. Always be exact about the label. If it calls for taking with or without food, or avoiding certain foods, etc., don’t scrimp.

Be Generous with Praise. If your child took their medicine, make sure you let them know how proud you are. If it won’t interfere with the medicine, even apply a bit of Mary Poppins and give a spoonful of sugar, although not literally—perhaps a Hershey’s Kiss or other small candy. Or, use a completely foodless reward and give them a gold star for good behavior, to redeem in the future for something they want. The value of a big hug and worse of praise can’t be underestimated, either.

Observe the Age Ranges. When it comes to OTC medicines, always stick with the manufacturers’ guidelines. Why? Because they are there for a reason. Kids react differently to drugs than adults do; even small quantities of certain chemicals cause no reaction in an adult but can prove dangerous to children. Generally, pediatricians advise not giving any kind of drugs, especially cold medicines, to infants under age 9 months of age or so.

Be a Good Example. Let your kids see you take your daily vitamins and/or any other pills or formulas you may take, to provide them with the idea that taking medicine is ok. However, make sure you keep your meds out of their reach, and let them know that it’s not ok for people to take each other’s medicines.

Help them Take Nasty Stuff Easier. Those nifty new film strips that dissolve on the tongue and the liquid-gels that are like fizzy candy are all the rage for allergies and such, but unfortunately not all meds are like that. If your child has to take antibiotics and other prescription drugs, they may be awful-tasting (despite the flavorings the pharmacies add) or chalky, which puts anyone off. In order to help them learn to take these, show them some tried-and-true techniques:

  1. Holding the nose. Ah, yes, this old favorite does indeed work. By following the dose with a gulp of juice or a swig of water you can cut the flavor; however, if it’s an expectorant, cough syrup or throat medicine, wait half an hour before giving liquids. Instead, have them take their medicine at the bathroom since and let them brush their teeth right away.
  2. Suck on an ice cube. By sucking on something icy for a minute or so before taking the medicine, the taste buds are numbed somewhat. Only do this with older kids, of course.
  3. Mix liquid medicine with a measured amount of yogurt or a V8 Smoothie, which will cover up the taste well and not dilute the medicine.

How to Swallow Pills. Eventually every kid has to learn how to swallow pills. Start out small: invest in a pill cutter, or carefully cut larger pills into smaller chunks, which will be easier to swallow. Have them place the pill at the very back of the throat and have them take at least 2-3 big gulps of water, while keeping their heads tilted back. While this is going on, stroke his or her throat in a repetitive, downward motion to induce peristalsis. This works well on dogs and cats, too!

Don’ts

Don’t mix medicine with food. Food changes the absorptive properties of medication, especially milk-based products. Also, you can’t be sure if they got it all if they didn’t eat the entire amount of food!

Don’t open capsules or crush pills to mix with liquids. Many medicines are time-release, meaning they need to be digested at a gradual rate, not in one big gulp. This can render the medication ineffective at best, and can be dangerous at worst.

Don’t force it. Sometimes it seems the only way is to hold them down and force them to take the medicine, but this is entirely the wrong tactic: some kids get so freaked out by this that they become hysterical and can even become physically ill, vomiting up that medicine you spent so much time and effort getting down their throats. If your child is being recalcitrant, this is the time to give them some decompression time. You have a little leeway even with medication that is rigidly scheduled; let the kid calm down, talk to them…heck, sometimes you may find bribery the only way to get it done. If so, comfort yourself in the knowledge that many other moms have walked in your shoes, and their kids didn’t turn out mass-murderers, ok?

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new mom must haves

New Mom Must-Haves

GEAR, home, style By August 11, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

Every new mom has a laundry list of stuff she supposedly can’t do without or must have, courtesy of her girlfriends, doctor, mother in law, or parenting book. Some of it is great, some of it is useless. Here are some things that every new mom must have, and they’re not all gadgets or gimmicks.

1. Baby supplies. No, this isn’t a “duh.” Be prepared, as much as possible. This doesn’t mean have a perfectly color-coordinated nursery and a designer layette: practical stuff. Always try to make sure you have the bathing, diapering and feeding basics at hand. If not, you’ll get stressed out, and everyone suffers because of stressed-out moms. Other items you may have forgotten: baby nail trimmers or files, a bulb syringe (for sucking mucus out), and a baby-specific laundry detergent (sensitive skin, remember?).

2. A bassinet or co-sleeper for your bedroom. Newborns seldom want to sleep in a crib: it’s big, cold, and unfamiliar. A bassinet, or (for me), better yet, a co-sleeper attached to the bed, is much more comforting. You and the baby will usually sleep better, being close enough to soothe and feed the baby right away, rather than having to haul yourself up, traipse to the nursery, and do it there. Believe me, you can get them in the crib later, but in those first days at home, be sweet to yourself and to the baby and ease into independence. You two were together for nine months, it shouldn’t end abruptly.

3. Nursing shields/pads. If you breast feed, you’ll find your chest often becomes a sprinkler system set on automatic at the sound of a crying baby (anyone’s, not just your own), an emotional moment on TV or a sad song, or getting sexually aroused. If you have to be away from the baby during feeding time, your milk will let down on schedule, baby or not. It’s mortifying to suddenly look down and realize that the nice man at the store is staring in horror at the growing twin stains on your shirt. So, keep some of these soft, disposable pads in your purse,diaper bag, glove compartment, wherever. Keep one set in your bra at all times, it extends the time you can wear a bra (because who has time for laundry three times a day, and who wants to buy a dozen nursing bras so you can change several times a day??), and prevents embarrassment. If you choose not to breast-feed, you’ll need these for at least a couple of weeks, until your milk dries up. Sometimes it stops immediately,while other women find they take weeks or months to stop lactating spontaneously.

4. Breast pump, milk bottles, storage bag. If you’re nursing, be prepared: you won’t always be able to be around, or maybe you shouldn’t. After all, Daddy had a part in conception, shouldn’t be get some of the job of feeding you child,too? Oh, and you deserve a nap and shower, too. Eventually, many of us go back to work, sometimes far too soon for comfort. So, you need a pump, and it’s best to start early, while your milk supply is plentiful and still a bit erratic, because that way you can have extra milk on hand. Ask around for advice on what model is best. Much of it depends on how big your breasts and nipples are, and how sensitive you are. Also, battery, manually-operated or electric versions are available. Comparison shop for the best deal and features.

5. Blankets. You can never have too many blankets, seriously. I mean the kind they give you at the hospital: lint-free, soft and warm yet lightweight, and practical. A blanket can be rolled into a bolster, used as a spit-up cloth in a pinch, used to swaddle a fussy baby, used as a towel if you have none clean, and be a great toy for a baby learning about peek-a-boo.

6. Equipment. Here is where gadgets come in. A vibrating seat, swing, play enclosure, baby monitor, etc. are all very helpful but not necessary. They’re mainly for ease and comfort, and if you can afford them, get them.

7. Baby sling or other carrier. No, I’m no earth mother, but I found that carrying my babies in a sling (nothing high-tech, a simple cloth sling was all I used) was immensely helpful and freeing. Not only was the baby close to me to be able to nurse and to soothe them when necessary, my motion comforted and rocked them and made them happy and sleepy. Also, the sling freed up my hands to do other things, like laundry, take care of other kids, clean house, whatever. Just don’t cook with the baby, ok? Some people prefer a backpack or front carrier with fancy straps and buckles and frames, but go with whatever you and your baby do best with.

8. Pillows. Pillows are awesome, to prop you up while nursing, to put between your knees while sleeping, to prop baby up against  on the bed while you’re not holding her, etc. Just always supervise a propped-up baby. If you can afford them, there are special baby-oriented pillows, especially for nursing support, which are great–but a regular old pillow does in a pinch, too, with some positioning.

9. Diaper Disposer. If you use disposable diapers, do yourself a favor and invest in a diaper genie or other disposal system. Sure, your newborn’s poo is innocent and relatively odor-free…but that changes, all too soon. And oh my, how horrible it is to walk into someone’s house and be assaulted by the smell of a full, open diaper pail. Gross!

10. Toys. Sure, we could be talking about baby toys here, but honestly, babies don’t care for toys until they’re a couple of months old. No, this is toys for YOU. Make sure you have an iPod, iPad, or other device well-stocked with things to do, especially things you can do with one hand. Why? Because you will be sitting still frequently, whether you’re nursing or bottle-feeding. Yes, spend time gazing adoringly at your precious child, but it’s not a mortal sin to entertain yourself with a game, music or eBook. Catch up on your correspondence and reading, as long as you don’t let it eat up all your feeding/bonding time.

There are a million other things a new mom could use or need, but nothing will ever fully prepare you for the wonder, exhaustion and joy of new motherhood. You’re not a failure if you don’t have the latest and most expensive products–the basics will do the job. Just enjoy your early days with your baby and be as prepared as possible. It’s a roller coaster ride, but worth every exhilarating and terrifying moment.

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fussy baby

10 Ways to Soothe a Fussy Baby

baby, FAM By August 11, 2011 Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

When most new mums bring their freshly-minted babies home from the hospital, they are still in that wonderful stage where all they do is sleep. Then…whoa. They wake up. And some babies wake up with a vengeance, discovering their lungs and their likes and dislikes quickly. Others fuss.

Fussing is hard to read: you don’t know exactly what is bother baby, and it quickly becomes frustrating, especially to women whose nether regions still feel like they’re on fire and who need sleep, a shower and to have fluids stop dripping out of various body parts.

I remember with my daughter, my first child, laying her down on the couch and just running away to the bathroom to sob for five minutes (she was safely swaddled, no chance of rolling off–she was only six days old) because I couldn’t get her to stop fussing.

Post-partum depression, nerves, hormones, whatever, it sucked. Now, however, I’m an old hand. Four kids have taught me a lot, and what I didn’t learn myself, I learned from other, even more experienced and insightful moms. Read on. These aren’t cure-alls, but they all help somewhat…you may have to use them all at various times, or invent your own techniques, because all kids are different, just like all moms.

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How to Handle a Temper Tantrum

FAM, kids By August 11, 2011 Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

Temper tantrums are not exclusively the province of small children; adults have them all the time. Sometimes throwing yourself on the ground and kicking and screaming is highly therapeutic. However, it is something that should be kept to a minimum, because it’s embarrassing in public, and it’s disheartening at home. Here is how to handle a temper tantrum.

1. Prevent the Tantrum. The absolute best way to handle a temper tantrum? Not letting it happen in the first place. You know your child pretty well, you know his or her “triggers”. Often, tantrums happen when a child is over-tired, over-stimulated, hungry, bored or confused/scared. When possible, try not to let a kid get stressed out like that, especially when you’re in public. Going on a trip? Plan ahead–schedule traveling when the child is sleeping if that’s an option for a road trip, but for flying try to stick to the morning, when they’re not fatigued. Limit their exposure to new stuff and other stressful situations as much as you can; introduce new people, places and things in small bite-sized chunks, to minimize overkill.

2. Short-Circuit the Tantrum. Although kids love going out and spending time with you, after a while they get grumpy, bored and tired. If you’re planning a shopping trip or know you’ll be out for a long time, leave them home when you can. If not, bring some small diversions: load kid-friendly apps onto your phone or iPad, bring coloring supplies, etc. You see Junior getting grouchy and restless? Give him something to do. Or, start talking, playing or singing with him directly, making the experience more fun. Distract them from their boredom, and give them something positive to do rather than grouch.

3. Don’t Fan the Flames. OK, so, little Jane is getting wound up. She’s whiny, restless, irritable. What do you do? Well, it’s more about what NOT to do. Don’t encourage it by paying attention to (and therefore reinforcing) the bad behavior. Don’t give in an gripe back, or get impatient with them, or speak angrily–it makes everything worse. It turns into a vicious cycle that no one benefits from. Again, try distracting and redirecting. Be lighthearted and try to ignore the behavior. Offer hugs. Look your child in the eye and tell them, calmly and lovingly, that they need to calm down, or there will be consequences, like loss of privilege or something. Don’t threaten (“Wait till we get home!!”) or be negative (“I can’t believe you’re being so bad!”). Say something like, “Sweetie, I know you’re upset/angry/frustrated right now. But crying and yelling won’t make it better. Stop kicking the shopping cart/gnawing on the chair/throwing rocks right now, or you’ll lose the Xbox.”

4. Get YOURSELF Under Control. Now you’ve got a full-blown wail and kick session going on? Or crying and yelling? Perhaps he or she has started hitting things? Feels like the eyes of the world are on you, and it sucks. Try to take a deep breath and count backward from ten. Close your eyes for a moment and attempt to get yourself under control, because you accomplish nothing by getting your OWN tantrum going. Remember: you’re not a failure because your kid is a little out of control…ok, maybe a lot out of control. You’re not a bad parent. You don’t have a bad child. You just have a situation, and it will end eventually. Just get through it.

5. Change the Venue. Sometimes, when it’s gotten bad and you’re running out of option, the only thing to do is to remove the kid from the situation. Yeah, it seems like you’re giving up and giving in, but a change of scenery will often disrupt the tantrum. Are you in the grocery store in the middle of the line? Ignore the reproachful eyes of snotty and judgmental people (there are probably a lot more sympathetic moms and dads than judgmental jerks, though it may not feel like it at the time), ask the clerk to let you put your cart aside for when you come back (often they know exactly what you’re dealing with), and take your child out of the place.

6. Let it Run its Course. There will be times when nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can or want to do will change the tantrum. If you’ve removed the child from the situation, try to find a place to let them go to town. A grassy area. The backseat of the car. Somewhere they can have a meltdown and not hurt themselves or others. If you’re at home, make sure there’s nothing breakable or valuable nearby, and let them shriek it out in their room. Close the door and walk away (stay within earshot), indicating you don’t approve. Trying to hold them down, yelling at them, or physically punishing them only makes things worse. Usually a tantrum only lasts a few minutes, although it feels like an eternity to you and the child. And if they don’t have an audience, it often ends quickly.

7. Be Irreverent. I confess, I have been lucky with my kids, I have only had a few tantrums to report. My strategy? I’m silly. When a kid starts being a grouchy butt, make them laugh if you can. Are they on the floor kicking and screaming? If you can (I only suggest this at home), get down on the ground with them and do it, too! 99% of the time the kid will stop what they’re doing to watch you in bewilderment, which will quickly turn into amazement and then hilarity. For real, ladies. It works. AND it feels good to let loose a little, too. Or, an alternative technique (for home) is to start doing something else silly, such as tossing stuffed animals or pillows their way. Start singing a funny song, or do a goofy dance (I recommend the Funky Chicken, they can’t resist it). Stop taking it so seriously. Your anger and negativity is like gasoline on a fire when it comes to a tantrum: it makes it all worse for both of you. Vicious cycle, remember.

8. …Bribery. I confess, some tantrums have been short-circuited by a well-placed, small-yet-effective bribe. I’m not talking about buying them a go-kart or a a pony or a new game console. Maybe a tiny toy, or a little piece of candy. Don’t do this once they’ve progressed into a full tantrum, because that validates their bad behavior, saying they’ll get a reward for being bad. But it can circumvent the progression from grouchiness to tantrum…just don’t do it all the time, or you’re setting another negative pattern.

Don’t beat yourself up if your kid flies off the handle every now and then, especially if you have a special needs child or you have multiple kids stressing you and each other out. Things happen. Relax, breathe deeply, and don’t take everything so seriously. The tantrum, like all things, will pass.

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The Best and Coolest Kid CDs

apps, GEAR, tech By August 10, 2011 Tags: , , , 1 Comment

Kids love music, just like we do. Childhood is when we begin forming our musical sensibilities and preferences, and it’s also when we learn like sponges. So, choose your Kid CDs wisely: select music that is smart and fun, and try something different every now and then, since variety is the spice of life! After all, how many times and ways can “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” be done? Here are some of the best, funnest, most popular and smartest Kid CDs out there.

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