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The Baby Blues vs. PostPartum Depression – How to Tell the Difference

FAM, health By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

After birth, every woman feels…well, a bit out of sorts. There are all kinds of changes going on in your body, there are emotional, mental, and physical stressors everywhere…it’s a difficult time. Practically every new mom experiences some version of the “baby blues,” a normal reaction to the chemical and emotional soup that has become your bloodstream and all the stuff that’s going on around her, but some actually find that their baby blues slip into something more serious: post-partum depression. What’s the difference between the two, and when do you know you need help?

“The Baby Blues”

Depression after Delivery, which is a US postpartum depression support organization, saying that “baby blues is a biological response to a woman’s rapidly changing hormone levels after pregnancy. Symptoms include tearfulness, irritability, impatience, restlessness, and anxiety.” Yeah, tell me about it! A new baby’s arrival brings a disjointed schedule, a sore and changing body, and lots of crying—and then there’s the baby itself to consider! Everyone is allowed some leeway here: no human being is impervious to these things. The baby blues hits around 50-75% of new moms in the weeks after birth, and there’s no shame in it.

Baby Blues Symptoms:

(Source: Postpartum Support International):

Physical Symptoms:

  • Lack of sleep
  • No energy
  • Food cravings or loss of appetite
  • Feeling tired even after sleeping

Mental States:

  • Anxiety and excessive worry
  • Confusion
  • Great concern over physical changes
  • Confusion and nervousness
  • Feeling, “I’m not myself; this isn’t me”
  • Lack of confidence
  • Sadness
  • Feeling overwhelmed

Behavioral Reactions:

  • Crying more than usual
  • Hyperactivity or excitability
  • Over sensitivity
  • Feelings hurt easily
  • Irritability
  • Lack of feeling for the baby

Post-Partum Depression

However, post-partum depression is a different thing altogether. This is a clinical condition that is the baby blues multiplied. Women with PPD find they feel hopeless, doubtful, exhausted yet unable to sleep, they have mood swings, violent thoughts (of hurting themselves and others, including their babies), and a feeling of being disconnected or disjointed from life. If you find yourself constantly angry, sad, and depressed after the first couple of weeks, you may need some help from a professional—and there’s no shame in it.

Post Partum Depression Symptoms

(Source: Postpartum Support International):

Physical Symptoms:

  • Headaches
  • Numbness, tingling in limbs
  • Chest pains, heart palpitations
  • Hyperventilating

Mental States:

  • Despondency or despair
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Inability to cope
  • Hopelessness
  • Over concern for baby’s health
  • Impaired concentration or memory
  • Loss of normal interests
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Bizarre or strange thoughts

Behavioral Reactions:

  • Extreme behavior
  • Panic attacks
  • Hostility
  • New fears or phobias
  • Hallucinations
  • Nightmares
  • Extreme guilt
  • No feelings for baby
  • Over concern for baby
  • Feeling “out of control”
  • Feeling like “you are going crazy”

Seek help first from your OB/GYN or family doctor, who will likely run some blood tests to rule out physical causes of your problems, like a thyroid disorder, which can produce many of the symptoms of PPD and is often present after pregnancy and childbirth. If he or she diagnoses you with PPD, you may need some therapy, a course of antidepressants, and a lot of help remembering how to love and nurture yourself.

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Favouritism

Favouritism: Are You Guilty…And What To Do About It

FAM, kids By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

Have you ever looked at your children and realized that you have a “favourite”? It’s a sobering moment. As parents, we’re not supposed to have favourites…right? We love our kids equally. Favouritism is ugly and can cause major resentment and family problems…but it’s real. Thousands of families deal with it every day.

I realized I had a favorite a little while back, and I have been battling it ever since. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t love that child more than my others. What it’s about with me is that my “favorite” has two things going for him: he’s the only one who looks anything like me, including my brown eyes (all my other kids have their dad’s baby blues); and…well, he’s also, hands-down, the best behaved and has the sweetest temperament of all my beautiful offspring. He’s one of those kids everyone loves effortlessly. He’s biddable and smart and funny and helpful…and he’s liberal with his “Mommy, you’re so beautiful” compliments and such. It’s hard not to favor him, especially when his brothers and sister are often the antithesis of helpful and biddable in terms of their behavior.

I especially have problems with my eldest son, whose dyslexia, ADHD and general assertive personality; he gets into trouble a lot, often without even trying. He’s so smart he is always looking for things to do, and when he does this, trouble finds him. See the potential for trouble here? Many families have the same problem: they have a black sheep and a golden child.

I know I also let the “favorite” get away with more than the others. I know I’m not as hard on him, and I give him more leeway and more privileges at times. I also know it’s not healthy for the other kids, and so totally unfair. So I undertook to rectify this problem, and here is what I found was effective in leveling the playing field of favoritism.

1. Acknowledge the Problem. In order to deal with something, you have to acknowledge there’s a problem in the first place. Start examining your behavior. When your kids complain you’re being unfair, listen to them instead of dismissing them—maybe they’re right! Watch yourself.

2. Stop and Think Before Speaking and Acting. This is a good rule of thumb in general for life; it’ll keep you out of trouble in other areas, too! Perhaps your “black sheep” child did something great, but you’re still irritated about him or her messing up before that, so you’re about the dismiss the good thing. STOP!! Forget the past: concentrate on the present, and give the child the acknowledgement they deserve. Before you dismiss your “golden child’s” misbehavior based on his/her past good deeds, STOP!! They need to learn consequences for their behavior, too. Try to be as fair as possible.

3. Realize Where Bad Behavior Could Be Coming From. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Bad breath is better than no breath at all?” It’s a true one: many kids “act out” or misbehave because they’re seeking attention of some kind—any kind! Pre-empt this kind of behavior by giving them attention, love, and time before you’re forced into a position to punish.

4. Spend time with the kids individually. Do something with each one alone, where you can appreciate them, instead of against the backdrop of the larger family dynamic.

5. Write Things Down. This may sound hokey, but it is invaluable. Write a letter to someone, anyone, talking about your “problem child”, but not about their negatives: emphasize the great things. Extol their virtues. You don’t have to mail the letter, but pour out your heart. Re-awaken the love and approval.

6. Apologize. If you catch yourself exercising favoritism, stop and apologize. No one should be above apologizing when they’re wrong about something. Allow your kids to see you’re fallible and also that you’re mature enough to acknowledge when you’re wrong.

This is by no means a perfect solution, but they are some practical steps you can take to break the habit of favoritism. Do yourself and your kids a favor and address the issue today, before it causes irreparable harm in your family.

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Getting Kids to Do Their Homework

FAM, kids By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , , , No Comments

Ah, school is back in session…and the homework should be getting into full swing. It’s the bane of every student’s existence, as well as every mom’s…The battle to get the kids to do their homework is an eternal one. You know they need to do it as early as possible, because the more tired a child is, the harder it is for them to think properly. They want to put it off as long as possible, because, well, because homework sucks. What’s the compromise? Here are some tips to winning the homework battle.

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surprising benefits of video games

Surprising Benefits of Video Games

GEAR, tech By September 15, 2011 Tags: , , , No Comments

I am a cool mom, but I’m not a mom who likes video games. In fact, I really dislike them. I hate seeing my kids (or anyone’s kids) blipping away in front of a game when the sun is shining outside or there’s homework or chores to be done. However, I am married to a gamer and I birthed four of them (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…), so I’m trying to keep cool about things, as long as it’s in moderation. I did some research, and there are some surprising benefits of playing video games. Here are some of them:

  1. It gives kids a safe place to socially interact. If they play a MMO or MMORPG (if you’re a gamer you’ll know the term…), they must interact with people in their various quests and missions. As long as you take some basic precautions and make sure they’re interacting with safe people, this is not bad. Psychologists say that it’s healthy for them to have a virtual life, one where they feel empowered and aren’t as socially awkward as in “real life.”
  2. It improves hand-eye coordination and reaction time. Although you may disapprove of violence, games that involve shooting, pointing, aiming, etc., can actually improve someone’s hand-eye coordination and their response and reaction times. The US military and others have begun integrating these kinds of programs in their training, but it hails all the way back to flight simulators and wargames.
  3. They can get some exercise. Yes, this is a recent development, but the Nintendo Wii, Xbox Kinect and other physical interaction games promote better health. There are games that make kids dance, play golf and tennis, etc., which is a very healthy development.
  4. It encourages competition in a healthy way. Gamers get to strut their stuff on the screen in a myriad of ways; they get to pit themselves against imaginary and real opponents in a platform that doesn’t discriminate against the non-athletic kid or the one with the physical disability. They get to set goals and achieve them, besting their own scores and breaking their own records.
  5. They get to decompress. School is tough: dealing with academic, social, and other pressures during the day can be stressful. Games provide an outlet to vent frustration, pent-up energy and emotion, and simply “decompress”.
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kid friendly snacks

Great Kid-Friendly Snacks

EAT, snacks By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Nutrition is something we as parents have to take more seriously than we used to. Obesity and its wicked cousin, diabetes, are on the rise everywhere, and kids are the targets of all kinds of fast-food and convenience-foods marketing that tempts them with things that they don’t need. Snacks should be healthy, meaning low in fat and calories, filling, and have good nutrition. Sounds impossible, when you want them to taste good, too? Nay, my friend. There are tons of options out there! Here are just a few items you should always have on hand, because with them you can construct a legion of fun, flavorful and fully good-for-you treats!

Basic Ingredients (try to have on hand):

  • Whole wheat tortillas, bread, English muffins, bagels (as bases)
  • Fruit
  • Low-fat cheeses (cheddar, mozzarella, gouda, edam, cream cheese)
  • Cut-up and cleaned veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, celery, etc.)
  • Granola
  • Dry cereal
  • Chocolate chips
  • Raisins, Craisins, other dried fruit
  • Nuts (unsalted and unsweetened, preferably)
  • Tomato sauce
  • Salsa
  • Peanut butter
  • Jelly
  • Yogurt
  • Low-sodium/fat lunch meats, like turkey and chicken breast

With these basic ingredients, you can assemble an amazing legion of simple, yummy and fun snacks, such as:

  • Mini-Pizzas: Season tomato sauce with some Italian spices, drizzle on an English muffin, top with mozzarella. For fun, add veggies; toast. Very crunchy, tasty and filling!
  • Mexi-Pizzas: Drizzle a tortilla with salsa, mozzarella, and chopped veggies; toast. Ole!
  • Fruity K-bobs: Cut fruit chunks and space them on a skewer with small pieces of cheese. Pear and apple with cheddar is awesome, and a great source of vitamins and calcium.
  • Banana Bombs: Dip a banana in yogurt, roll it in crushed cereal or granola; freeze for 30 minutes to an hour. A chilly treat.
  • Home-Made Lunchables: Cut up lunch meat and thinly-sliced cheese and serve with crackers, Lunchables-style.
  • Ants on a log: Fill celery with peanut butter or cream cheese, then stud it with raisins or craisins. Kids love it.
  • Faux Banana Split: Serve a banana with strawberry and vanilla yogurt, sprinkle with chocolate chips, in a “boat” like a banana split.

Other suggestions:

  • Clear, low-sodium broth-based or tomato soup served with whole-wheat toast or crackers
  • Half a turkey and veggie sandwich
  • A bowl of mixed granola and dried cereal, with a few chocolate chips thrown in every now and then
  • Peanut butter and jelly—try it as a sandwich or even as a yogurt smoothie!
  • Veggies served with hummus or low-fat ranch or Italian dressing for dipping. Most vegetables are fat-soluble, so it’s best to accompany them with a little bit of fat for better nutrient absorption.
  • Instant oatmeal
  • Unsalted, unbuttered popcorn tossed with a little salt and parmesan cheese
  • Peanut butter on crackers
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How to Have a Good Play Date

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , No Comments

So, you found the perfect play date mate for your child! This is an important step, helping to ensure a well-balanced, socially-adept childhood. No pressure or anything. You’ve never had a play date before; likely you’re as nervous as you were on your first real date! No worries, though, because here are some simple, practical tips for making your kid’s play dates simple and fun, the way they’re supposed to be!

First, Stop Stressing. Unless you picked a preppy, pretentious family with whom to have said play date, just dress yourself and your child normally, in play clothes. You don’t need to get the car detailed or get a bikini waxing—and your child doesn’t need his teeth whitened or highlights put in. Just you and your kid are enough for a good time.

Have an Exit Strategy. Not wishing the whole thing badly, but have something in reserve for if things fail miserably. Sometimes it’s a terrible match between your child and theirs, but you never know until it’s happening. So, keep the date short to start out with, and it doesn’t hurt to have an errand or event afterward that could suddenly become more urgent in the event of a kid-sized meltdown.

Easy Does It. The last think you should do with a shy child is to plunk him or her down in the middle of a busy play-date with a bunch of strange kids and expect miracles. That is a recipe for disaster, actually. Start slow and start small: one new kid, on your home turf, or on a common ground your child is familiar with.

Don’t Push. Think of it a bit like a date: don’t push it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Sometimes it will take a bit of time to elapse before they truly start warming up to each other.

Choose Play Friends Wisely. If you have a shy child, don’t ask the rowdy, rambunctious neighbor kid over as your first choice. Try to find someone more like your child, who won’t frighten or overwhelm them.

Provide Common Ground. If the date is on your home turf, have some cool stuff to play with and do available, to avoid boredom. Do something fun, like go to a kid’s museum or animal exhibit, where the kids can get tactile. Get outside so they can roughhouse. All these things are conducive to bonding.

Put the Pets Away. No matter how wonderful Fluffy or Whiskers is, it’s best to put all pets out of harm’s way until the play date is over. Some kids are afraid of animals, some get crazy over them and can cause strange reactions in a normally tranquil pet, while others are allergic. Always ask about pet allergies before volunteering to host a play date, to avoid uncomfortable moments.

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How to help encourage friendships with other kids

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , 1 Comment

Friendships are important to every child. Peer relationships allow kids to see themselves against a larger backdrop, to learn empathy and sympathy, and how to fit in with society at large.Some kids are naturally shy or more reticent than others; it’s as basic as introverts and extroverts. Still, introverts, or people who are not as bubbly and public about everything, have friends, too—usually very deep and long-lasting friendships. Making friends isn’t always easy for some people, especially some kids who are naturally more withdrawn. So how on earth do you encourage friendships for your a child?

Tips for parents to encourage friendships with others:

Start Slow. The last think you should do with a shy child is to plunk him or her down in the middle of a busy play-date with a bunch of strange kids and expect miracles. That is a recipe for disaster, actually. Start slow and start small: one new kid, on your home turf, or on a common ground your child is familiar with.

Don’t Push. Think of it a bit like a romance: don’t push it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Sometimes it will take a bit of time to elapse before they truly start warming up to each other.

Choose Play Friends Wisely. If you have a shy child, don’t ask the rowdy, rambunctious neighbor kid over as your first choice. Try to find someone more like your child, who won’t frighten or overwhelm them.

Provide Common Ground. Have some cool stuff to play with and do available, to avoid boredom. Do something fun, like go to a kid’s museum or animal exhibit, where the kids can get tactile. Get outside so they can roughhouse. All these things are conducive to bonding.

Teach Manners and Courtesy. No one worthwhile wants to be friends with a rude bully. So, do your kids a favor and teach them how to be polite, courteous, and kind. It goes a long way in fostering friendships and earning a good peer reputation.

Do Team Events. Encourage your child to participate in team-based events. This doesn’t mean just sports; it can include debate and other intellectual teams, clubs, volunteer groups, etc. They will meet like-minded kids and spend time with them in a positive arena. When they’re small, try out Gymboree, baby gymnastics, music and other groups, where they can get used to socializing with other kids early on.

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Should Kids Choose Their Own Clothes?

Should Kids Choose Their Own Clothes?

FAM, kids By August 30, 2011 Tags: , , , , No Comments

How many of us have seen them, strolling gamely down the street: a child who looked like she ran blindfolded into their closet and put on the first few things they found by sense of touch, no color, pattern or style coordination whatsoever? Usually finished off with a tiara, pair of fuzzy antennae, fairy wings, or a knee-high pair of Ugg or galosha boots? The big question as a parent is – should kids choose their own clothes?

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Table Manners Rebooted: Reinventing Dinner

eat, LIVE By August 30, 2011 Tags: , 1 Comment

OK, so many of us have found the idea of a dinner table more of an idealistic one; many dining room tables in many homes all over North America are covered in mail, discarded items and unfinished homework, rather than serving as a gathering place for the family to eat. Too many people take their meals at the TV or on the go that table manners seem to be a lost art. Perhaps it’s too late to salvage everything your grandparents insisted on, but there is definitely room for a modern-day reboot. Sweep the crud off that dining room table and start the process today!

Lay Down the Rules. Perhaps you can’t be like grandma and say no elbows on the table, but set some basic rules: no reaching across people or the table, no eating with fingers (except in certain cases), no burping at the table, etc. Simple stuff. If you must, make a chart and keep it up. Think of how proud and relieved you will be when you someday send your child off to college, knowing his table manners…well, perhaps later then, once he’s married. Maybe.

Practice. Sure, why not? Tea parties are perfect for boys and girls to teach table manners and etiquette. Have fun.

Provide Opportunities to Shine. When you go out to eat, don’t always automatically choose someplace silly and kid-oriented that needs no silverware, much less table manners. Kids older than age 7 can (should) be trustworthy enough to eat like people rather than pigs. Let them order something and help them to use their manner. When they succeed, praise them and let them know how proud you are. Plus, you get a meal that doesn’t automatically come with fries!

Some Basics:

  • No open-mouthed eating
  • No eating with fingers (unless it’s finger food, like fried chicken, pizza, etc.)
  • Napkins in laps
  • No reaching across the table or across other people
  • Ask before taking a serving
  • Say please and thank you
  • USE the napkin
  • Don’t chew or talk with open mouths
  • Don’t talk about rude things at the table
  • No burping
  • If you’re a guest, eat what is served and don’t complain, unless you have a genuine dietary problem…which should have been advised  of before dinner was served
  • Keep elbows off the table

Good luck and God Speed!!

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