If you’re like me, when you found out you were having twins, it was both a complete shock and a major adjustment to your life. My family size went from a comfort 4 (mommy, daddy, daughter, son) to a very crazy and gender-unbalanced 6 (mommy, daddy, daughter, 3 sons). But aside from that adjustment, I made so many mistakes as a mom of twins it’s not even funny. Although I had 2 kids already, I flubbed it by not thinking how different twins would actually be. So please, listen up and practice what I didn’t preach, it’ll save you time and many gray hairs!
The mistakes new moms of twins often make:
1. Not having enough stuff. When you find out you’re blessed with twins or even more, start stockpiling. Seriously. Diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, equipment…whatever. Even if the diapers and clothes are too big, take them, because your babies will grow and they will fit eventually. Shop in bulk. Go in on package deals with friends and family. Believe me, you’ll need it all. Having plenty means an immeasurable amount of peace of mind, and that’s priceless.
2. Skipping naptime. No, not baby naptime–your naptime! You need to be sleeping when they’re sleeping. Heck, sleep when they’re awake if you can! If you’re nursing, it’s especially important, because milk supply is adversely affected by poor sleep habits and stress.
3. Not having the right equipment. You may think you can skip the twin stroller, but you’re wrong. You need it. Also, make sure you have the right kind. If you can afford it, get 2: one side-by-side for wide-open spaces like for taking walks outside, and one tandem for things like shopping, where your space and maneuverability is limited. Sometimes you’ll have to take the babies out alone, and you’ve never been through the hell that is having to hold one twin while trying to drive the other in a regular stroller. NOT recommended.
4. Getting your babies confused. I confess, I didn’t have this problem that often, as far as confusing them with each other, since my boys are fraternal. However, I DID get confused, constantly, about who’d been recently changed, who was nursing when, etc. I ended up doing things like carrying around a washable marker, which I used to dab a little mark on the foot or hand of the twin that had recently been fed or whatnot. I also used the same tactic with my own breasts…juggling two boys on opposite schedules, I forgot which breast had been nursed from last…ack.
5. Being nitpicky and obsessed with perfection. Face it: your house will get dirty. The laundry will go un-folded, the dust will accumulate. Let go of your OCD-based standards, especially if you have older kids adding to the chaos. Embrace reality: your house doesn’t need to be a fashion plate. What can’t be postponed is your twins’ childhood. They’ll only be tiny for so long. Cherish every moment, which is so much more important than keeping your drapes dust-free!
6. Forgetting about yourself. What I mean is, you’re not just a mom of twins or whatever. You’re a woman, you’re YOU. Take some time to remember that. Take off the spit-up encrusted shirt and shower. Put on something pretty, even if it’s just to lay on the couch. I recommend asking hubby for a nice silk bathrobe, a short one, the kind that makes you feel like a princess…or a geisha…whenever you wear it. Shower. Brush your teeth and hair. Take a walk, see the sky, have a meal that doesn’t involve “here comes the train!” or sterilizing bottles.
7. Not getting support. This is a broad one. At home, get as much support as possible, from friends, family, neighbors, whatever. Accept any and all offers to cook, clean, carpool, it doesn’t matter. It also means, seek shelter and advice from other moms in your position. Twin resources abound, and other proud twin moms love to support each other and share their experiences and advice.
I wish I had taken some of this advice when I had my twin girls 3 years ago. It was my first pregnancy so I had nothing to compare it to, but was it an adjustment. I can honestly say until about 5 month I felt like a robot and it was an accomplishment to have taken a shower and get the two kids out of the house. But I listened to the advice of other moms and moms of twins and they said it would get easier….and I can say it did!! 3 year olds have their own challenges but nothing compares to newborns especially when you are running on no sleep!
[…] Each of you will simply need space at some point in your relationship. That space may present itself in many forms including a reduction of play dates or outings. It’s possible you or your friend will have a NEW friend that impacts your time together. Space doesn’t mean that you’re being cut off or cut out. Don’t read into something that isn’t there. One of my closest and dearest friends and I will go months without talking, but are able to pick up right where we left off. We’ve figured out we’re in it for the long haul and we maintain open communication lines and understand each other’s “busy.” Her children are the same age as my youngest, so while we have that in common, she understands my lack of availability as I navigate the world of teenagers and I understand her double duty as a parent of twins. […]